The Light

My room of peace.

Guilt and fear at times wrap their unwelcome arms around me.

I long to be more, do more, exude more.

It seems as if to paralyze me, this feeling.

But the Christmas tree goes up with the lights.

Oh the lights.

And I sit in that room. The front room. The house's center.

And my girl and I, we read. I cry. She gazes upwards to my tears.

In part:

The Three Kings

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

..."His mother Mary of Nazareth

Sat watching beside his place of rest,

Watching the even flow of his breath,

For the joy of life and the terror of death

Were mingled together in her breast.

They laid their offerings at his feet:

The gold was their tribute to a King,

The frankincense, with its odor sweet,

Was for the Priest, the Paraclete,

The myrrh for the body's burying.

And the mother wondered and bowed her head,

And sat as still as a statue of stone;

Her heart was troubled yet comforted,

Remembering what the Angel had said

Of an endless reign and of David's throne..."

This is how I feel so often. Troubled yet comforted. Such a dichotomy of my soul.

I can't even imagine the feelings of Mary's heart as she watched the "even flow of her baby's breath" knowing what she knew. I guess it just hit me near the light of my tree. What we are celebrating. And it takes my breath away.

May we all have the peace of the Savior in this glorious season of hope and love.

Malia girl

1. In June both girls were in a dance recital. It was fun to have both grandmas come. Tessa got last minute stage fright for her "Splish Splash" song (hence the towel)...but was fine for her finale in which Malia was up there with her. She kind of idolizes her sister. Malia was gone this week with Grandma Julie to Oregon. Tessa was kind of lost. Now that Malia is home she is again running around the cul-de-sac with her...following her wherever.she.goes. Malia's a good sport!

2. Nice head buddy.

3. No more training wheels. Watch out Lance.

4. Malia earned a butterfly kit. We got to see them go from caterpillars to beautiful butterflies. It was hard to let them go, but they are FREE! (and possibly dead by now) shhh don't tell the girls.

Observations....

A few weeks ago while sitting in the foyer at church I told Malia and Tessa about this picture. "There's no doorknob on the outside of the door," I said " because Jesus stands and knocks and it is us who can open the door to Him."

Today, Malia looked pensively at that same picture and said, "Mom, I don't think Jesus can stand at that door very long...he has a lot of doors to knock on." It's been on my mind all day. She's such a thinker, and I love that about her. Her thoughts sometimes take my breath away and make me think to myself...wow, I was trusted to be her mother? She teaches me much more than I feel I ever teach her. It's humbling to say the least.

This past week she went to her great-grandma's sister's funeral. Her first question when she found out where she was going was "is she older or younger than Grandma Toni?" I informed her that she was actually younger. She looked very confused and concerned and later replied, "I guess it's like when you're driving somewhere and and someone else (like grandma or dad) is driving there too and you left last, but you get there first... it's not what you think will happen, but sometimes it does." Why yes, Malia, that's a great comparison.

And then there's Tessa. She's at the age of cracking me up. She got a new nursery teacher today and I asked her about her. She informed me that she had one pink eye and one black eye and that she was "the most beautiful teacher she ever had." And, really, a pink/black-eyed lady truly would be the most beautiful thing to behold.

My lil helper

Jeremiah is obsessed with helping me with the laundry. He takes all the clothes out of the basket in a maniacal fashion and then puts them back in the same way. It's quite funny to watch because he gets all breathless from working so hard. He is such a funny little guy. Cracks me up all day long.

St George 2010

These are pictures we thought we lost forever. Turns out our van temporarily ate our camera and spit it out in plain sight about a week after we got home. WEIRD. (Que twilight zone music). Needless to say, we were really sad about this loss and equally exuberant about the find.

We read of a place you could hike around in a tortoise preservation area...(we knew we were in the right place because there were little fences about a foot tall all around). Unfortunately, though, we didn't see any little guys. Malia was relieved though because she was terrified that they were going to attack her. Those vicious tortoises. We tried to explain the concept of it taking about an hour to get from their current position to where she was standing, but it didn't help. She gave her good riddance when we left. And it was cold and windy. Back to the pool we went!!!

Springing into Spring

What a surprise in a new house to see what the former owners planted. It was a delightful thing watching these colors pop out. These daffodils are now gone, but now we're on to TULIPS. I am in love.

The girls and their dad have been letting Sponge Bob fly high above the housetops. It's been good to practice on a $1.00 kite...soon we may even fork out a 5 for a better one!

We love our new neighborhood. Tessa likes to follow her sister around with all her new friends, and even has made a few of her own. It's great now that people have come out of hibernation and we've been able to meet our neighbors. We love the quiet out here in the boonies...kinda hate being so far from everyone and everything, but ya know, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have...The Facts of Life. Aaaahhh, '80s sitcoms...why don't they make 'em like they used to?

Hello Kitty

Once when I lived in Hawaii my friends and I had a japanese friend named Kuni. Well, I'm sure you know where this story is going.

Oh, you dont? I thought the title would have given it away.

One day Kuni bent over and, by no fault of his own, his shirt came up a bit and low and behold...

HELLO KITTY BOXERS.

We couldn't let him live that down. In fact, we pondered maybe marketing some Hello Kuni boxers in his honor. But I seriously digress...

Tessa turned 3 this month! And while Malia has named herself queen of the canines, Tessa has taken a liking to the felines. meow.

Look at their concentration as I explain the "mother cat and her little kitten" game. One child leaves the room and while they're away one person is chosen as the baby kitty. All the kids cover their mouth, but only the chosen kitty makes a meowing noise under their hand. The "mother cat" has to find which one is her kitty.
I wish this picture had sound. It was so entertaining to hear them all meowing on the stairs. Okay, maybe I'm too easily amused.

Wish hard Tess!!!

Tessa loves her friends. Malia got to have a few of her friends tag along as well. The two on the bottom encompass the song I've been singing with Malia "Make new friends, but keep the old...one is silver and the other gold". It's been a big adjustment making new friends. But, we have been trying to also keep in touch with the old friends. And if I say the word friends one more time you can hit me. But, not in front of my children, please. I'm trying to teach them not to hit.

Dear Tessa as she turned 3,

We love you and can't imagine life without your sweet little smile. I loved taking you to the store with me tonight and just being able to talk about things, you and I. Don't get me wrong, I love when Malia's there too, but sometimes it's nice just to hear what you have to say.

Being the middle child can't be easy. You're wanting to be big, but still needing to be held. Just know that I will be here for you in which ever direction that inner turmoil is pulling you. Big..small...you're Tessa and I want you to know how precious you are, my sweet.

Love,

your mommy