California Dreamin' on Such a Winter's Day...

In October we packed up the mini van and headed for the land of sun. I once heard it said that Disneyland makes everything better...or maybe that was a voice in my head, I'm not sure. But in any case, it indeed did not disappoint. The Halloween hoopla was in full swing. Orange was everywhere you looked. But mostly it was smiles on little ones' faces. It's incredibly euphoric to see those sweet little faces light up when they see Buzz or Woody, et cetera, and so forth.

There were so many good times with cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, and even great-grandma Toni. Poor Grandma Toni rode home with us, earplugs and all. I don't even know if the earplugs helped. Jeremiah has a voice that can shake a mountain. Love him to death, but grateful he'll be one year older the next time we take him anywhere!!!

And in conclusion, it's a small world, ladies and gentlemen. It's a small world after all.

That We May Be One

Any time I have a chance to look at the church news, I open it immediately to the section where it announces new mission presidents. It's something I noticed many years ago. These husbands and wives have a similar look about them. It's not necessarily just how they look (although I find it humorous that many of them do look so much alike) It's in their demeanor. I can't describe it. Just look at them and see if you notice it too.

Sometimes I catch glimpses of this oneness in my marriage. Oftentimes I long to have a better grasp on it. But, for sure it's something that I'm striving for.

There's nothing like the kids saying something that they have no idea how funny it is and looking up to see Darrin looking at me to see if I caught the humor.

I can't imagine making this trek alone. I thank the Lord everyday that even though this is hard and sometimes I'm not at my best and daydream of days of shopping and solitude, this is where my truest joy lies.

And I guess that's what was in my heart today. I'm going to get back into this blogging thing. I kind of miss it.

Tiny dancer

This little girl smiled the whole way to her dance recital tonight. Her teacher had really instilled in her the importance of smiling when she performs. I seriously looked back like 9 times on the way there and she had the same smile on her face the whole time. She did beautifully. She's grown up so much from her last attempt at a recital where she wouldn't even go up on the stage. She has found her confidence and this mommy is so proud. You shined tonight, my Tess!!! I love you!

Kindergarten graduate

Malia is so excited to be in first grade next year and eat lunch at school! I am excited not to be dropping her off and turning around a few minutes later and picking her up (or so it seemed).

Bestest teacher ever, Mrs. Lambson. Thanks to her Malia won't ever be writing words like bestest.

Congrats, Malia Lu!! We love you!!!

Centrifugal force and the effects thereof

The other day I picked up and started reading one of my most favorite books of all time, Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. It took my mind to where it needed to go.

The book is a compilation of thoughts the author had while living for two weeks on an island, away from everything and everyone she knew. She compares the characteristics of different shells to the state of our lives. And what I have fully gulped up thirstily from reading this again is my need for solitude. No, I'm not talking of leaving my family and going to a deserted island, but in taking an hour every day and centering myself. For some reason I have run from this for a few years now.

Busyness. Chatter. Work. No time. Running and running in every direction from thing to thing. Distracting myself with trying to find how other people find their center... coughblogs/facebooekcough. Never reaching for my center. Don't get me wrong. I pray. But I'm so distracted that I often don't even know what to pray for. All I can get out sometimes is a desperate "help!!"

My family is a wheel. I picture myself (and Darrin) as the axle. I say Darrin and I, but the old adage is as true as they come, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." If I am spinning out of control inside the wheel there is no stability in our lives. I alone need to still the axle.

My sweet family has been gone tonight as I had to work this weekend. I miss them terribly. But, I feel still inside. Bring on the whining. Bring on the needs, the NOISE, the craziness that is the wheel of my family. I am still. I know what I need to pray about tonight and that is all I need.

"Be still and know that I am God."

I am so grateful at this moment in time. Tomorrow I will pencil in an hour. No excuses. It's THAT important.

whoooooooooooosh

Do you ever feel like life is just whooshing by????

I want a pause button.

During our Sunday round of "America's Funniest Videos" tonight, Jer kept saying "where mote?" every time the commercials would come on. What kind of a life do we live where we can just fast forward everything. And it feels like life itself is on some kind of speed setting.

Please somebody teach me how to get it to slow down. Just maybe a day. Here's to hoping. Tomorrow is a holiday and I'm just going to try to stop and FEEL the moments with my family.

How I love them.

The Light

My room of peace.

Guilt and fear at times wrap their unwelcome arms around me.

I long to be more, do more, exude more.

It seems as if to paralyze me, this feeling.

But the Christmas tree goes up with the lights.

Oh the lights.

And I sit in that room. The front room. The house's center.

And my girl and I, we read. I cry. She gazes upwards to my tears.

In part:

The Three Kings

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

..."His mother Mary of Nazareth

Sat watching beside his place of rest,

Watching the even flow of his breath,

For the joy of life and the terror of death

Were mingled together in her breast.

They laid their offerings at his feet:

The gold was their tribute to a King,

The frankincense, with its odor sweet,

Was for the Priest, the Paraclete,

The myrrh for the body's burying.

And the mother wondered and bowed her head,

And sat as still as a statue of stone;

Her heart was troubled yet comforted,

Remembering what the Angel had said

Of an endless reign and of David's throne..."

This is how I feel so often. Troubled yet comforted. Such a dichotomy of my soul.

I can't even imagine the feelings of Mary's heart as she watched the "even flow of her baby's breath" knowing what she knew. I guess it just hit me near the light of my tree. What we are celebrating. And it takes my breath away.

May we all have the peace of the Savior in this glorious season of hope and love.