I was going through old video tapes today looking for a blank one to tape my sister's senior night for her basketball team. And my findings led to...who are these children? Where did they go? Is this what it will be like someday as we look back, I wonder? Flashes of what was? The way Malia used to pronounce her R's with a voice seemingly a few octaves higher than it is now. The way Tessa entered her birthing room with her lungs set to mute, while Jeremiah entered that same room with with some sort of sub-woofer attached to him?
I'm not gonna lie. I don't like it. I've tried all day today to burn in my brain the children who currently reside in their little bodies.
Jeremiah...the way he taps the fingers of one hand on the palm of the other when he asks for something...anticipation spilling out his digits.
Malia...the way she loves to tell me stories
that aren't necessarily true, "but if it did happen, wouldn't it be funny, mom?" Her humor is spot on. I love belly laughing with that girl.
Tessa...the way she prefaces so much of what she's about to say with "I just realized"...
How is that you realize so much, Tess? I just saw a video in which you just evacuated my womb. Didn't that evacuation just take place? Wherein you could barely lift your head and just laid there, eyes darting, taking it all in. Did the men in black come and put a spell on me, and here we are? Because I don't remember all this realizing taking place.
I find myself wanting to go back and embrace that 2-year-old Malia. She was my little Campbell's soup girl. I would never trade her for the partially toothless girl I have today. But I would like to just snuggle on her for a few minutes and bask in the way she said her Rs and the chubbiness that inhabited her face and hands.
I guess what's getting me through this emotion and has been bolstering me this whole week are these six little words:
"Grace Shall Be as Your Day."
I recently read an article on the enabling power of Christ. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phillipians 4:13) Including forging into the future and leaving pieces of these perfectly precious "baby" children behind. I know that the people that these little beings are to become cannot be formed without realizing things. I will embrace it all. There is no fear in love. And if there's one thing I know, it's that I love them.
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3 comments:
You always have such a nice way of putting things. I try and burn it in my brain often and I think, "I will never forget this, the way they look/smell/laugh/smile." And then I do. We are so blessed.
Alicen,
Many days will go by in which I skim the two dozen or so blogs that I have on my reader, blogs by people I regard as talented writers, in which I don't find anything that rings as immediately true as the feeling you just captured here. Very good sister. Whatever you are tapping into here, keep doing it. You're writing is lovely.
Ashley...yes. we are blessed indeed.
Les...can't even describe how much that comment made my day. so very nice of you. and so much appreciated. bless your heart. thank you!
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