Tender Mercies

melancholy at 12:50 a.m.

2012-02-10T00:50:00.008-07:00

I was going through old video tapes today looking for a blank one to tape my sister's senior night for her basketball team. And my findings led to...who are these children? Where did they go? Is this what it will be like someday as we look back, I wonder? Flashes of what was? The way Malia used to pronounce her R's with a voice seemingly a few octaves higher than it is now. The way Tessa entered her birthing room with her lungs set to mute, while Jeremiah entered that same room with with some sort of sub-woofer attached to him?

I'm not gonna lie. I don't like it. I've tried all day today to burn in my brain the children who currently reside in their little bodies.

Jeremiah...the way he taps the fingers of one hand on the palm of the other when he asks for something...anticipation spilling out his digits.

Malia...the way she loves to tell me stories

that aren't necessarily true, "but if it did happen, wouldn't it be funny, mom?" Her humor is spot on. I love belly laughing with that girl.

Tessa...the way she prefaces so much of what she's about to say with "I just realized"...

How is that you realize so much, Tess? I just saw a video in which you just evacuated my womb. Didn't that evacuation just take place? Wherein you could barely lift your head and just laid there, eyes darting, taking it all in. Did the men in black come and put a spell on me, and here we are? Because I don't remember all this realizing taking place.

I find myself wanting to go back and embrace that 2-year-old Malia. She was my little Campbell's soup girl. I would never trade her for the partially toothless girl I have today. But I would like to just snuggle on her for a few minutes and bask in the way she said her Rs and the chubbiness that inhabited her face and hands.

I guess what's getting me through this emotion and has been bolstering me this whole week are these six little words:

"Grace Shall Be as Your Day."

I recently read an article on the enabling power of Christ. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phillipians 4:13) Including forging into the future and leaving pieces of these perfectly precious "baby" children behind. I know that the people that these little beings are to become cannot be formed without realizing things. I will embrace it all. There is no fear in love. And if there's one thing I know, it's that I love them.

California Dreamin' on Such a Winter's Day...

2011-11-09T13:33:00.003-07:00

In October we packed up the mini van and headed for the land of sun. I once heard it said that Disneyland makes everything better...or maybe that was a voice in my head, I'm not sure. But in any case, it indeed did not disappoint. The Halloween hoopla was in full swing. Orange was everywhere you looked. But mostly it was smiles on little ones' faces. It's incredibly euphoric to see those sweet little faces light up when they see Buzz or Woody, et cetera, and so forth.

There were so many good times with cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, and even great-grandma Toni. Poor Grandma Toni rode home with us, earplugs and all. I don't even know if the earplugs helped. Jeremiah has a voice that can shake a mountain. Love him to death, but grateful he'll be one year older the next time we take him anywhere!!!

And in conclusion, it's a small world, ladies and gentlemen. It's a small world after all.

That We May Be One

2011-10-26T14:30:00.004-07:00

Any time I have a chance to look at the church news, I open it immediately to the section where it announces new mission presidents. It's something I noticed many years ago. These husbands and wives have a similar look about them. It's not necessarily just how they look (although I find it humorous that many of them do look so much alike) It's in their demeanor. I can't describe it. Just look at them and see if you notice it too.

Sometimes I catch glimpses of this oneness in my marriage. Oftentimes I long to have a better grasp on it. But, for sure it's something that I'm striving for.

There's nothing like the kids saying something that they have no idea how funny it is and looking up to see Darrin looking at me to see if I caught the humor.

I can't imagine making this trek alone. I thank the Lord everyday that even though this is hard and sometimes I'm not at my best and daydream of days of shopping and solitude, this is where my truest joy lies.

And I guess that's what was in my heart today. I'm going to get back into this blogging thing. I kind of miss it.

Tiny dancer

2011-06-07T22:57:00.002-07:00

This little girl smiled the whole way to her dance recital tonight. Her teacher had really instilled in her the importance of smiling when she performs. I seriously looked back like 9 times on the way there and she had the same smile on her face the whole time. She did beautifully. She's grown up so much from her last attempt at a recital where she wouldn't even go up on the stage. She has found her confidence and this mommy is so proud. You shined tonight, my Tess!!! I love you!

Kindergarten graduate

2011-06-07T22:43:00.005-07:00

Malia is so excited to be in first grade next year and eat lunch at school! I am excited not to be dropping her off and turning around a few minutes later and picking her up (or so it seemed).

Bestest teacher ever, Mrs. Lambson. Thanks to her Malia won't ever be writing words like bestest.

Congrats, Malia Lu!! We love you!!!

Centrifugal force and the effects thereof

2011-06-05T19:24:00.003-07:00

The other day I picked up and started reading one of my most favorite books of all time, Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. It took my mind to where it needed to go.

The book is a compilation of thoughts the author had while living for two weeks on an island, away from everything and everyone she knew. She compares the characteristics of different shells to the state of our lives. And what I have fully gulped up thirstily from reading this again is my need for solitude. No, I'm not talking of leaving my family and going to a deserted island, but in taking an hour every day and centering myself. For some reason I have run from this for a few years now.

Busyness. Chatter. Work. No time. Running and running in every direction from thing to thing. Distracting myself with trying to find how other people find their center... coughblogs/facebooekcough. Never reaching for my center. Don't get me wrong. I pray. But I'm so distracted that I often don't even know what to pray for. All I can get out sometimes is a desperate "help!!"

My family is a wheel. I picture myself (and Darrin) as the axle. I say Darrin and I, but the old adage is as true as they come, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." If I am spinning out of control inside the wheel there is no stability in our lives. I alone need to still the axle.

My sweet family has been gone tonight as I had to work this weekend. I miss them terribly. But, I feel still inside. Bring on the whining. Bring on the needs, the NOISE, the craziness that is the wheel of my family. I am still. I know what I need to pray about tonight and that is all I need.

"Be still and know that I am God."

I am so grateful at this moment in time. Tomorrow I will pencil in an hour. No excuses. It's THAT important.

whoooooooooooosh

2011-01-16T22:54:00.003-07:00

Do you ever feel like life is just whooshing by????

I want a pause button.

During our Sunday round of "America's Funniest Videos" tonight, Jer kept saying "where mote?" every time the commercials would come on. What kind of a life do we live where we can just fast forward everything. And it feels like life itself is on some kind of speed setting.

Please somebody teach me how to get it to slow down. Just maybe a day. Here's to hoping. Tomorrow is a holiday and I'm just going to try to stop and FEEL the moments with my family.

How I love them.

The Light

2010-12-03T01:47:00.004-07:00

My room of peace.

Guilt and fear at times wrap their unwelcome arms around me.

I long to be more, do more, exude more.

It seems as if to paralyze me, this feeling.

But the Christmas tree goes up with the lights.

Oh the lights.

And I sit in that room. The front room. The house's center.

And my girl and I, we read. I cry. She gazes upwards to my tears.

In part:

The Three Kings

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

..."His mother Mary of Nazareth

Sat watching beside his place of rest,

Watching the even flow of his breath,

For the joy of life and the terror of death

Were mingled together in her breast.

They laid their offerings at his feet:

The gold was their tribute to a King,

The frankincense, with its odor sweet,

Was for the Priest, the Paraclete,

The myrrh for the body's burying.

And the mother wondered and bowed her head,

And sat as still as a statue of stone;

Her heart was troubled yet comforted,

Remembering what the Angel had said

Of an endless reign and of David's throne..."

This is how I feel so often. Troubled yet comforted. Such a dichotomy of my soul.

I can't even imagine the feelings of Mary's heart as she watched the "even flow of her baby's breath" knowing what she knew. I guess it just hit me near the light of my tree. What we are celebrating. And it takes my breath away.

May we all have the peace of the Savior in this glorious season of hope and love.

Malia girl

2010-07-14T05:46:00.004-07:00

1. In June both girls were in a dance recital. It was fun to have both grandmas come. Tessa got last minute stage fright for her "Splish Splash" song (hence the towel)...but was fine for her finale in which Malia was up there with her. She kind of idolizes her sister. Malia was gone this week with Grandma Julie to Oregon. Tessa was kind of lost. Now that Malia is home she is again running around the cul-de-sac with her...following her wherever.she.goes. Malia's a good sport!

2. Nice head buddy.

3. No more training wheels. Watch out Lance.

4. Malia earned a butterfly kit. We got to see them go from caterpillars to beautiful butterflies. It was hard to let them go, but they are FREE! (and possibly dead by now) shhh don't tell the girls.

Observations....

2010-06-27T16:43:00.005-07:00

A few weeks ago while sitting in the foyer at church I told Malia and Tessa about this picture. "There's no doorknob on the outside of the door," I said " because Jesus stands and knocks and it is us who can open the door to Him."

Today, Malia looked pensively at that same picture and said, "Mom, I don't think Jesus can stand at that door very long...he has a lot of doors to knock on." It's been on my mind all day. She's such a thinker, and I love that about her. Her thoughts sometimes take my breath away and make me think to myself...wow, I was trusted to be her mother? She teaches me much more than I feel I ever teach her. It's humbling to say the least.

This past week she went to her great-grandma's sister's funeral. Her first question when she found out where she was going was "is she older or younger than Grandma Toni?" I informed her that she was actually younger. She looked very confused and concerned and later replied, "I guess it's like when you're driving somewhere and and someone else (like grandma or dad) is driving there too and you left last, but you get there first... it's not what you think will happen, but sometimes it does." Why yes, Malia, that's a great comparison.

And then there's Tessa. She's at the age of cracking me up. She got a new nursery teacher today and I asked her about her. She informed me that she had one pink eye and one black eye and that she was "the most beautiful teacher she ever had." And, really, a pink/black-eyed lady truly would be the most beautiful thing to behold.

My lil helper

2010-05-20T13:49:00.003-07:00

Jeremiah is obsessed with helping me with the laundry. He takes all the clothes out of the basket in a maniacal fashion and then puts them back in the same way. It's quite funny to watch because he gets all breathless from working so hard. He is such a funny little guy. Cracks me up all day long.

St George 2010

2010-05-19T16:20:00.003-07:00

These are pictures we thought we lost forever. Turns out our van temporarily ate our camera and spit it out in plain sight about a week after we got home. WEIRD. (Que twilight zone music). Needless to say, we were really sad about this loss and equally exuberant about the find.

We read of a place you could hike around in a tortoise preservation area...(we knew we were in the right place because there were little fences about a foot tall all around). Unfortunately, though, we didn't see any little guys. Malia was relieved though because she was terrified that they were going to attack her. Those vicious tortoises. We tried to explain the concept of it taking about an hour to get from their current position to where she was standing, but it didn't help. She gave her good riddance when we left. And it was cold and windy. Back to the pool we went!!!

Springing into Spring

2010-05-16T14:36:00.004-07:00

What a surprise in a new house to see what the former owners planted. It was a delightful thing watching these colors pop out. These daffodils are now gone, but now we're on to TULIPS. I am in love.

The girls and their dad have been letting Sponge Bob fly high above the housetops. It's been good to practice on a $1.00 kite...soon we may even fork out a 5 for a better one!

We love our new neighborhood. Tessa likes to follow her sister around with all her new friends, and even has made a few of her own. It's great now that people have come out of hibernation and we've been able to meet our neighbors. We love the quiet out here in the boonies...kinda hate being so far from everyone and everything, but ya know, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have...The Facts of Life. Aaaahhh, '80s sitcoms...why don't they make 'em like they used to?

Hello Kitty

2010-01-29T21:47:00.002-07:00

Once when I lived in Hawaii my friends and I had a japanese friend named Kuni. Well, I'm sure you know where this story is going.

Oh, you dont? I thought the title would have given it away.

One day Kuni bent over and, by no fault of his own, his shirt came up a bit and low and behold...

HELLO KITTY BOXERS.

We couldn't let him live that down. In fact, we pondered maybe marketing some Hello Kuni boxers in his honor. But I seriously digress...

Tessa turned 3 this month! And while Malia has named herself queen of the canines, Tessa has taken a liking to the felines. meow.

Look at their concentration as I explain the "mother cat and her little kitten" game. One child leaves the room and while they're away one person is chosen as the baby kitty. All the kids cover their mouth, but only the chosen kitty makes a meowing noise under their hand. The "mother cat" has to find which one is her kitty.
I wish this picture had sound. It was so entertaining to hear them all meowing on the stairs. Okay, maybe I'm too easily amused.

Wish hard Tess!!!

Tessa loves her friends. Malia got to have a few of her friends tag along as well. The two on the bottom encompass the song I've been singing with Malia "Make new friends, but keep the old...one is silver and the other gold". It's been a big adjustment making new friends. But, we have been trying to also keep in touch with the old friends. And if I say the word friends one more time you can hit me. But, not in front of my children, please. I'm trying to teach them not to hit.

Dear Tessa as she turned 3,

We love you and can't imagine life without your sweet little smile. I loved taking you to the store with me tonight and just being able to talk about things, you and I. Don't get me wrong, I love when Malia's there too, but sometimes it's nice just to hear what you have to say.

Being the middle child can't be easy. You're wanting to be big, but still needing to be held. Just know that I will be here for you in which ever direction that inner turmoil is pulling you. Big..small...you're Tessa and I want you to know how precious you are, my sweet.

Love,

your mommy

In Summary...

2010-01-20T21:56:00.007-07:00

Sunrise, sunset

swiftly fly the years.

One season following another

Laden with happiness and tears.

This song has been resonating in my brain for months now. Is Halloween really almost four months past? Really?

We're finally in our new home and really working on making it our home, one that we hopefully can live in FOREVER. Because I am never moving again. Please remind me of this should I ever say I want to move again. I cannot even express how I have felt the hands of angels lifting me through some patches these past few months. (I hope you know who you are. I would name names, but then I would inevitably leave someone out). My in-laws were so so so so kind in having three young children in their home and letting us stay for almost three months. My heart is just so full with gratitude and I only hope that I can give back what has been given to me.

Halloween came and went while living at Grandma Anya and Grandpa Vaun's house. We got to trick-or-treat to Darrin's childhood neighbors and I got to hear all about the practical jokes he played as a kid. To think I could have gone my whole life without hearing these stories, well, let's not live in what ifs. I'm just glad to have heard them.

The kids loved living with one set of grandparents and being three blocks away from the others. Can you say spoiled ROTTEN???

We had lots and LOTS of out takes while we tried to get a Christmas picture. Tessa was being a real card.

And we have a winner. Or at least nobody is crying. Well, there might have been a tear of frustration coming out of my eye, but I hid it well.

We made it into our new house just in time for Christmas (less than a week before), but I was determined to have Christmas decorations up. We may have had most everything else still in boxes, but darnit, we shall have stockings I sayeth. And this is what we get when I'm tired and I try to write a blog entry...I start speaking in Elizabethan... or scripturese or something.
And my family didst come on the eve of Christmas. And they didst dwell with us and made merry. And Grandma Julie didst make sure the kids were pajamad appropriately.

And there shalt be more in due time. For now, I canst dwell in my new house with a lesser amount of guilt lingering in my heart knowing that a few memories were put down in the book of life. I mean the blog.

My Boy

2009-10-25T08:32:00.004-07:00

Amidst the chaos of moving and having most of our stuff in storage, we finally found our camera cord! YAY! So, Darrin uploaded the pictures and I noticed he named the file "my boy". Made me cry, the title of that file did. (No, I have not been watching Star Wars). But, without further adieu...Jeremiah at around 2 months give or take....

Oh the fun you can have while living at your grandparents!

A moment in time where Tessa and Malia weren't fighting over who got to hold him.

Kinda melts your heart, right?

Bow WOW!! (Translation--Malia's 5!)

2009-09-20T21:55:00.005-07:00

Only a dog party would do for this canine-loving 5-year-old!!

So here's a funny story that my friend, Lisa--the mom of Malia's friend Mylee told me yesterday. Malia was at Mylee's house playing and Lisa was asking her about her birthday and what she would want to get. I had told Lisa that Malia was really into pets, hence the dog party. Lisa knew I probably wouldn't appreciate her getting her a real dog (thanks Lisa!) So she asked Malia if she would want a goldfish for a pet. Malia's answer was classic..."Let me put it to you this way..." and she proceeded to sing the entire song "How Much is that Doggie in the Window?" Which include these lyrics...

How much is that doggie in the window? The one with the wagglely tail. How much is that doggie in the window? I do hope that doggie's for sale.

I don't want a rabbit or a kitten, I don't want a parrot that talks. I don't want a bowl of little fishies, you can't take a goldfish for walks.

Oh Malia. How I love you.

Grandpa Doug got confused and thought it was a mexican pig party. Silly Grandpa!!!

Made out like a bandit, that girl!! She got a ton of "Pet Shop" toys--something she's really into right now.

Grandma Julie did a "dog presentation". Malia and Tessa helped.

This little game was 95% for my entertainment. I wish I would have gotten a picture with their heads down in their bowls. HIL-arious! It was a contest to see who could eat their cocoa puffs the fastest. No hands allowed.

You can't see their collars very well, but they each made their own.

I brought out the cake and announced that I was so sorry, but Grandma's dog had somehow walked all over it! he he.

I do believe it turned out to be all that Malia could have dreamed in her little 5-year-old dog-lovin' heart. And what more could a mother want? Summary: We had a busy, but great Saturday afternoon.

Introducing Jeremiah Noal

2009-08-17T16:05:00.004-07:00

Born: August 13, 2009 @ 11:35 a.m.

Description: 8 pounds, 21 inches, one dimple on right cheek, lots of hair, super kissable.

Welcome to Earth little one.

Dad, meet son.

What can I say? I worked up an appetite. Davis Hospital has really good food. This particular delight was a fabulous chicken caesar salad. They also give each new mom a complimentary pedicure given by the local beauty school students. I am in no way employed by Davis Hospital, but seriously, go here.
First bath at home--please ignore all the dishes on the counter. I have my priorities people.

These little girls are a BIT obsessed with the babe. They would hold him 24/7 if I let them.

All things go

2009-08-11T23:34:00.004-07:00

Chicago , Sufjan Stevens

Today, driving myself to my last doctor's appt. before this little angel is born, this song played. It helped me.

I have tried so hard to imagine loving a third as much as my first two children. It troubled me before Tessa was born, but quickly got eaten up in the smell of her sweet breath and tetris-like quality that made her a perfect fit into our family. Is it possible to harbor this fit a third time I keep wondering?

And then there's the aspect of our Eternal Father loving each and every one of his children--as vast as that number is. What am I concerning myself with three for?

So, the first line of this song pretty much made my heart excited and filled with love that I'm sure is going to soon be regenerated enough and then some. Miraculously. Can't wait.

Thursday. 7:00 a.m.

All things go.

Wish us luck.

Mayfield Canyon

2009-08-05T16:20:00.005-07:00

A few weeks back we went camping with my dad. That short respite from the heat may have been just what I needed to get me through to the end of this pregnancy. Well, and a lot of popsicles now that I'm home.

I attempted to make peach cobbler in our dutch oven. Let's just say good thing there were S'mores.

We saw many of these.

Tessa stayed dry the whole time thanks to Grandpa Ken's trailer's magnificent bathroom. I don't think she would have done as well with the stinky outhouse (nor would have I).

The girls got to meet their Aunt Angeline, a long lost half-sister I hadn't seen in over 10 years (she lives in California). The girls immediately loved her--she let them perform for her, played fun games with them, read stories, made funny faces in her camera with them, set up a squirrel trap with Malia, roasted marshmallows despite her not eating them herself (the whole horse hoof thing and she being a vegetarian) I could go on and on. It was so good to get to know her better and spend time with Grandpa Ken.

Grandpa Ken brought his toys. The girls loved going on rides. And yes, this pregnant lady went on some very breathtaking rides with her hubby over some very bumpy terrain, and no it did not send me into labor. Darn. Well, actually I don't think I would have wanted to give birth at Gunnison Hospital, no offense Gunnisononians.

Fun times, noodle salad. *$1.00 for anyone who can name that movie.

Sleepovers, parades, and slippery slides oh my...

2009-07-09T23:26:00.005-07:00

Our townhome community held a 4th of July block party complete with jumping house, slippery slide, and blocked off road for kids to run and ride free. Thanks to Neil and Mindy our neighbors for planning it!
Tessa being sneaky at the parade opening the one candy she picked up. She didn't quite get the out of control fuss to get more and more.

4th O' July parade. Malia made out like a bandit with the candy this year...most of which has ended up in her mother's mouth. shhhh. And yes, we were pretending to have a Hawaiian 4th. One can dream.

These girls have been asking for sleepovers. (Well to sleep together) They're both such snugglers, as you can see by the top picture. And I sure delight in them when they're sleeping. shhh.

Stranger in Moscow

2009-06-26T14:03:00.003-07:00

It was 10 years ago this August that I sat alone in a train station on a rainy day in Moscow. I had returned as a head teacher a week before my fellow American teachers. I knew so so so so little Russian, and the world swirled around me. Sitting in my lap was a Sony portable CD player and Michael sang to me this. I listened to this song over and over and over. My wait for my train was about 10 hours. Adding that to a 10 hour jet lag effect and you can see I was feeling a little strange. I felt like he knew my vulnerabilities and was singing me through them. I'll never forget that day or how this song helped me out. Strange, I know. Here's to the king of pop. His out of this world talent was heard and appreciated all over the world. May he finally be at peace and no longer be a stranger in his own life. If I didn't have this big ol' belly I would probably be busting out my rollerskates just for old time sakes and heading to Classic. Ah. memories.

"The Lagoon"

2009-06-17T22:30:00.004-07:00

This place has held so many places in my heart...from fantastically awesome as a youngster to practically the scourge of the planet as an adult. It has officially returned to being fantastically awesome. Maybe it's because I didn't have to stand in line behind half clothed individuals bringing PDA to a new level. Or maybe it's all these smiles that my girls just couldn't hold in all day long. If there were a perfect day, it would have been Monday. It was supposed to rain (but was a mild 75ish degrees with sunny skies all day), so I think it scared people into staying away. Which=short lines, which=more rides to fit in, which=sooo soooo many smiles.

Waiting for the train.

Malia was her daddy's little ride buddy. We couldn't believe how brave she was!

I guess about 11.5 years from now this will be what we'll have to look forward to...hopefully sans bumping into other cars.

Best Sisters.

Puff the Magic Dragon. Even mom got to enjoy a few rides. Malia thinks the baby had fun too.

Create

2009-05-28T08:52:00.003-07:00

My apologies of you have already seen this. I feel I need to do my small little part in getting it passed around the world though. So, if you haven't and you want to, pass it on.

I am giving a talk on a different talk by President Uchtdorf this Sunday and am just so impressed with his wisdom and light. I know he is an apostle of God.

Please watch it if you have not yet. If you just put mascara on, you might want to wait until you take off your makeup tonight.

Real

2009-05-27T17:46:00.004-07:00

My favorite children's story of all time is The Velveteen Rabbit, written by Margery Williams. Growing up I had a tape of this read by Meryl Streep. With the most soothing British accent and beautiful piano music played by George Winston, I would be lulled to sleep dreaming of magical talking toys (Toy Story has nothing on this tale) and the love of a child. If you don't know this story or want to hear it with the beauty of Meryl and George, click here.

Malia graduated from preschool today. I suppose to most anyone reading this, the correlation between this story and my child graduating from preschool makes no sense. Here's the thing. I always said I wouldn't be one of those cliche moms who cry at every little thing that gets checked off on their child's list of childhood experiences. And I suppose I was heartless and callous when I would read their blog posts, thinking I was way above that kind of behavior (if it can be chalked up to a behavior...probably not the right word here). But, as I sat in my living room during Tessa's nap and Malia playing outside with friends I had a moment with all her preschool mementos. A spiral-bound notebook entitled All About Malia, in which, well, obviously it told all about Malia. Complete with documenting her favorite thing to do, setting the table. Tear. Another spiral bound notebook documenting all the wonderful things she had learned through the year on her path of learning and growing. About five more tears. What is this pull of me wanting and delighting in her growing and yet not wanting her to grow one more little bit?

With these mom tears running down my face I thought, "Oh no!!! I'm one of those moms!" But, then I surrendered. And I felt a bit defensive, as the velveteen rabbit must have to the "real" rabbits in the forest. To all the people out there rolling their eyes at my sappy mom behavior I cry out "I am real!!" Or in this case, these feelings are real. This comparison very well may make absolutely no sense to anyone but my little self, and I'm ready to accept this. I just needed to write about this breakthrough and apologize if my posts become more mommyish. Again, these feelings are real and I have nearly completely surrendered to them.

And a Tessa moment. Last night, rocking her to sleep. I remember rocking Malia to sleep with Tessa in my tummy rolling around. Now, my little boy rolls around as I rock my Tessa to dreamland. These moments are so fleeting. And so real.

Yeah for spring!

2009-05-21T23:58:00.004-07:00

Tessa yells out "Grandma, push me realllly high!!" And Malia is learning to pump her legs and make herself go realllly high. Yay for grandparent's backyards! It's so nice to be coming out of hibernation!

Could these faces be any happier???

The other day Tessa saw a picture of her Aunt Whitney (above) and pointed to it. I asked her, "is Whitney cute?" and she said "nooo." To which I asked, "is Whitney pretty?" and Tess came back with "Yeth, Whitney is so pretty." She loves her Aunt Whitney. And, as you can read, her yeses are "yeth", not yeah or yes..."yeth". I so love a little lisp.

Mother Dear

2009-05-09T14:01:00.006-07:00

I love you so.

I love that you delight in the flavor of my children's feet.

I love your love for dogs...watching you tube video after you tube video of dogs doing funny things. I love the fact that you would take in a million and five stray dogs if they were lost or hurt.

I love that you love to do projects with my kids.

I love that you love to watch things grow... plants, kids' intellect, my stomach. ;)

Your smile is a beautiful and lovely sight to me in this sometimes dreary world we live in. Your hugs have always been like a warm blanket on a cold, cold night. I remember as a little girl just thinking you were the softest, warmest, thing I could ever hope to cling to.

Thank you, my Mother, for being my Mother. I love you.

Malia's take on Mom's life lesson

2009-04-28T08:53:00.004-07:00

Yesterday I had to intercede in a very heated moment with Malia and her friend. Malia realllllly wanted to push said friend's baby stroller and felt that her turn was never going to come. Or something like that... I don't know, all I heard was a very loud "I hate you!!!" Ouch!! Not the sweet, friendly sentiments you want to hear your daughter spouting out to her friends. I immediately came out and apologized to friend and brought Malia in for a talking to. She was very notably angry and I waited until she had cooled off to start in on the anger management advice. And here's how it went:

Me: If you feel that angry feeling coming on then you need to tell your mouth not to say something mean. Tell it to stay shut and come inside or away from the person so you don't say something that would hurt their feelings. The best thing to do would be to come inside and say a little prayer. Heavenly Father will help take that angry feeling away.

And this is all she heard of that little lecture...

Malia: But Mom, my friends will laugh at me if I start talking to my mouth.

And I guess they probably would. I now see that I'm teaching my daughter to be somewhat of a freak. I really need an instruction manual. Anyone know where I can get one?

And the results are...

2009-04-13T18:18:00.002-07:00

Whew! The pressure is officially off. Any boy advice will be most appreciated, as this is completely new territory! We are overjoyed with the thought of having a son, as are our girls. Malia knew it was a brother all along, we should have just listened to her. And my sister-in-law Christy did a chinese horoscope thing last night that said it was a boy. Why we even bothered going to the ultrasound is beyond me. Seriously.

Spring Break Arizona Style

2009-04-11T21:53:00.009-07:00

Apologies right from the start for the picture happy post. I do consider this a backup if my computer should ever crash (I know, I should really do something more reliable which would involve all of my pictures, but, you know...I'll get to it eventually, just like cleaning off this desk I sit at. Wow, just beginning a post and I digress). So, we had a fantastic time in AZ. Due to all the other areas being a bit too out of the way, we were able to visit just one area I served my mission in, Flagstaff. It was so much more exciting than I even thought it would be. To drive down almost every road and know my knuckles knocked on nearly each of those doors and my mouth testified of Christ, families, eternity, prophets, a restoration of truth, etc. to the people behind them. To have flashbacks of some of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I feel, like my former comp Crystal wrote about her recent visit, that it is sacred ground for me. It was so fun to tell Darrin little stories here and there. I'm sure it was even more fun for him to hear them. :) He's sure a good sport. Anyways, I really tried to put the pictures in order, but I can't figure out blogger sometimes. So, they're completely out of order, except the last picture, which was on the way home and just sealed the trip for me.

Nick (my little cousin) and Malia at the Mesa Easter Pageant...the temple is in the background. We stayed with Nick's family (My Uncle Dean and Aunt Jan) for two of the nights. They're soooo great for having us!!
Malia and Tessa walking down a path near my apartment in Flagstaff where Sister George and I would get up and jog most every morning. Flagstaff is oh so beautiful.

In Gilbert at Riparian Preserve Malia and Tessa got to uncover fossils. Just before that we saw some cute little turtles swimming in the lake nearby.

Christ among the people in the Mesa Easter Pageant. This was so wonderful... palm trees blowing gently in the breeze as the Easter story was portrayed beneath them. Thousands upon thousands of people pondering on the Savior. Beautiful.

Me trying to show off my belly at Freestone Park in Gilbert. Looking at the picture now, I don't look like I'm showing as much as I feel like I am. Weird. We find out what we're having on Monday. Any guesses?

Malia and Tessa were transfixed by this little scene. Aren't they cute???

Sedona.

This is a church built right into the rock there in Sedona. We walked up to it and it was a really beautiful view from the inside. Unfortunately Tessa tried to run up and blow out all of the millions of candles burning, so we couldn't stay too long inside.

Trying to get the scenery in, but mostly you just see our goofy faces.

Malia pricking her finger for the camera.

Uncle Dean and Nick treating us to a fine meal of steak and salmon fresh off the grill. YUM.

The Lotts thought we were crazy for wanting to swim in their pool. It felt so warm to us outside, but was still a bit too cool for them to think of venturing into the water. Actually, the water was pretty darn cold, but Darrin and the kids were deterimined to swim!

And, the finale of the trip. Cowboys roping in their cattle who had wandered off onto Interstate 89. And darnit if I wasn't singing "Where have all the cowboys go-o-o-ne???" the rest of the way home. Once again, poor Darrin. :)

Beautiful red rusted mountains

2009-03-24T09:11:00.004-07:00

Engravings by the pioneers using the grease from their wheels' axles.

Deep thoughts.

"I am the king of this mountain."

"Aaaaahhh warmth."

We had such a fun time in St. George this weekend. Thanks to my parents for the room and fun company, and yes, the babysitting. :) We took the kids to the sand dunes earlier in the day but only had the video camera, so no pics of that...but Tessa loved the warm sand so much she was rolling in it and just laid in it and almost went to sleep. Malia dug for buried treasure with her patch on and all...arrrgghh.

Darrin and I went back to Snow Canyon later and climbed around on the rocks and went for a long walk along the goblin looking rocks.

It was good. It was restorative for us all. And I didn't throw up the entire time. Yay! I wish I could say it stayed that way, but darn it if cooking and cleaning my kitchen doesn't bring out the retching every time. Hello, baby, we're almost to 18 weeks. Did you not get the memo??? Let's stop making your mama sick and I promise to bathe you in kisses and warm milk when you make your entrance, deal?

Perspective

2009-03-07T23:24:00.002-07:00

When I was little I loved to hang upside down from the couch or my bed and look at the ceiling, pretending that I lived up there. It was so clean and uncluttered. So white. Sometimes now as an adult I get that same desire to "live on the ceiling" so to speak. But, this goes deeper than having all the incessant toys and socks and clutter picked up. It's having a clear mind, a clear conscience. A mind that doesn't think about all that I am not doing, a mind that is clear and clean and able to focus. And, I think about times in my life when my life has felt the closest to this state. It always involves me on my knees sincerely pouring out my heart to my Maker. Why do I forget this? Why do my prayers become so repetitious? Note to self: Slow down, Alicen. Stay on your knees a little longer. Let the Lord clear your mind... "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." Have I made it obvious I need for it to be Sunday tomorrow? Time to reset my week. Goodnight.

When your sister is taking too long to get her jammies on

2009-03-06T10:17:00.008-07:00

Just put some pants on your head and go to sleep. No, really, she's asleep under there.

And when mom tries to take them off your face...

Just roll over on those pants and go right back to sleep. This girl takes her beauty sleep seriously. And she was really sick, poor thing.

When it's cold out

2009-03-06T10:11:00.003-07:00

and you you want an ice cream cone for your FHE treat why not sit by the fire?

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-13T10:38:00.003-07:00

Once again I have tear stained cheeks... (big surprise). My friend Julia sent me this Valentine on Facebook. Enjoy. Get a tissue if you're at all like me. And may all of your Valentine dreams come true. Okay, I may or may not have watched Napoleon this week. N-E-ways, I'm off to make heart shaped *cookies with my girls. Hope the butter is softened.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

*Picture of said cookies posted weeks later.

I have issues.

2009-01-30T10:35:00.003-07:00

I was just looking at Malia's preschool's blog and I couldn't stop crying when I saw the above picture. (It doesn't show the boy's face, so I think it's okay to borrow it). This is Grandma Porter who helps at my daughter's preschool. I doubt she gets a paycheck. Just love. I know I cry easily right now, but come on, Alicen get it together. I just can't put into words the humanity I see in this picture. I hope when I'm in my late years I can still be making a difference in a child's life.

And here's my little smarty pants. She loves her preschool class and can't wait for Mondays and Wednesdays to roll around.

January 4, 2007

2009-01-03T15:24:00.010-07:00

Two years ago tomorrow, it was a blustery day when a sweet little girl made her way into the world without making a single peep. 12:48 p.m. Looking around. Calm. Just taking everything in. Since that day she has had to teach her voice to work. Let Malia walk all over her, she will not. That Dora doll is "mine". That french fry is "mine". Whatever it is that you are looking at, Malia, it is "mine". But, wait, is that a sad face you are making, Malia? Here, let me make you happy. You can have it.

Tessa.

Lover of all things Mickie Mouse, Little Einstein, and Dora.

Runner from diaper changes.

Giver of kisses anytime you ask.

Watcher of her sister's every move.

Adorer of grandmas and grandpas.

Sayer of "mhmm" i.e. Tessa, did you just toot? "mhmm".

Learner of many new phrases..."mommy, what are you doing?" "Daddy, I want to come with you."

Lover of all things musical-- Soldier Boy by Mason Jennings is the one most often requested in the car.

And thus,

Singer to many sweet ballads that are sweet to her family's ears.

Just tonight she was singing one of her beautiful melodies when her Aunt Whitney, trying to get her attention, said "Tessa?" On her song went, she wasn't done yet. At the end of the song, probably 20 seconds later, she looked at Whitney, who had long since moved on, and spout out "what?"

Happy Birthday Tess!

We love you to the moon and back.

Tears of J-O-Y!

2008-12-21T17:31:00.007-07:00

JOY. This word just kept permeating my thoughts today. We had the most beautiful sacrament meeting. During Oh Holy Night (oh how I love this song) I felt the spirit so strong. I yearn to sing this song in His presence someday. I can't even wrap my brain around what that would be like. I highlighted the parts that made my eyes water.

O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! O, hear the angels' voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born;
O night divine, O night, O night Divine.
Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here come the wise men from Orient land.
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friend.
He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King, Behold your King.
Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.

I love the Spirit. I love this gospel. It truly gives me hope. Despite everything, anything we may be going through right now that may cause us to hang our head in sorrow, let us do whatever it takes to return to Him and our Father and live with hope. Let us share this joy and hope with the whole world. Are Darrin and I old enough to go on a mission yet?

I tend to get so caught up in trying to make everything perfect this time of year and, like most people I'm sure, lose sight of the Savior. I love my Savior. I praise His name. And you, as my brothers and sisters, I love as well. I have hope of living in peace someday and I get choked up thinking about it. What a glorious time that will be.

Merry Christmas!

So validating.

2008-12-17T10:03:00.002-07:00

My friend Crystal sent me this forward and it made me feel like I wasn't crazy. There's a reason I stayed up until 2:00 watching Intervention last night. I just needed an hour or two to zone. Although I wouldn't trade this mothering thing for a single thing in this world, it surely is all-consuming and bags-under-the-eyes-producing. It's hard to put into words all that it entails, but this lady, Carolyn, I would like to hug for doing just that.

Sugar and spice and everything nice

2008-12-05T15:59:00.006-07:00

"When I go like this, GgGgGgGgGrrggr" (gurgling noise with her throat)..."it feels like I'm eating eggs." Said Malia to Darrin when he got home today. What the? I'll never eat an egg again without trying to notice if it makes my mouth feel like "GgGgGgGrrrrgr".

And Tessa is totally cuting it up with all of her new-found wordage. This morning I stubbed my toe and yelled out "owwww!!" (that's all, I promise!! There was no #%(#%*#$ going on I swear, I mean I don't swear, I mean, yeah.)... from the other room I hear "you okay mama?" at first I thought it was Malia...not so, it was my sweet little Tess making sure her Mama was okay. aaawwww...

And her "tank ew, Mama" whenever I give her something just about makes my heart melt like a big ol' scentsy burner doing its thing.

Loving these girls.

Coolest human ever.

2008-11-25T23:02:00.000-07:00

Sorry, but UTUBE is too awesome not to share sometimes.

Coolest manatee ever.

2008-11-18T13:56:00.005-07:00

Once when I was young and crazy my friends and I lived in Hawaii for a summer. At one point we were visiting Kauai. We had just backpacked along the Na Pali Coast and were sleeping in a cave along the ocean. All night we heard what sounded like manatees making some sort of mating calls-- or so Thurop explained them to be. He further went on to to relay that they were calling for me. (How he understood their calls I'll never know, must come with being an adventurer). He went so far as to photoshop what looked to be some sort of engagement picture of me and a manatee when we got home. I wish I could find it. Anyways, so for me and those six of us in that cave, this is especially funny. And for everyone else, it's pretty cool. You'll have to pause my music to be able to fully take in the Michael Jackson goodness of it all.

P.S. Natasha, what does that say in the beginning? My Russian stinks.

Training them well.

2008-11-15T08:53:00.001-07:00

This is why you have kids right?

Hopefully they'll always think doing the dishes is fun.

The original ladybugs...

2008-11-07T01:22:00.003-07:00

Malia's first little friend, Adalyn came to visit this week from out of state. You can see they were the original ladybugs in the year of 2006. Weren't they cute? Too bad my camera was really less effective at capturing their cuteness.

Oh, and now you can see how much we've talked to our 4-year-old about politics. Today, I overheard Malia's friend, Saige, asking her if she knew who our new president was going to be. "no, who?" was Malia's response..."Barack Obama" said Saige, followed by an immediate giggle by Malia and ..."that's funny his name has bum in it." I laughed for a good 10 minutes. Maybe you had to be there.

Now that it's well into November, I think I'll bring out the ol' Halloween pics...

2008-11-06T00:03:00.011-07:00

Yes, this is the second year Malia has been Snow White. She requested it again and I was not about to deny something that would save me A) money and B) time. And Tessa looked cute as ever in her hand-me-down ladybug costume from her cousin, Kate (which Malia wore just 2 years ago). Could I BE anymore lazy and cheap??? Don't answer that.

The top picture is Malia pedaling her little sister around in the backyard of her preschool... (excuse the blurry fingerprint on the lens, as you can see, I'm great at keeping fingerprints off of things in my life).

So, trunk-or-treat at the waaarrd the night before Halloween and the real knock-on-total-stranger's-doors the night of Halloween brought in a whole lot of blood-sugar-crashing loot. Malia didn't want to go in until "we filled up Tessa's bag more" because Tessa hadn't wanted to trunk-or-treat the night before. How very noble of her. And, now, I perform my noble deed of eating all of that candy to save their little bodies from going into diabetic comas. Have you done your good deed today?

I love coming home to these people.

2008-10-23T09:13:00.003-07:00

Tessa made sure to introduce the pumpkins to Dora and Boots.

Please ignore the ghetto toddler bike that I didn't even think to move. Oh, and pay no attention to the 50 bazillion handprints on my front door. Thanks.

I am a mystery shopper. I shop mysteriously. Last Friday night I took Tessa and tried to look inconspicuous as I inspected the floors and noted the presence of eye contact from my cashier at the local Smiths. I then remembered two more stores that I needed to 'get my coupon on' on the way home. The night got dark and I thought how bad I felt that I had just spent my Friday night away from half of my family. So, pulling into my spot my heart just about skipped a beat when I saw that there had been some great daddy-daughter bonding going on while I was away. Look at those cute pumpkins!! Malia was so excited to surprise me. Oh, and the green sticker on Tessa was from the cashier who did a great job of dishing out the eye contact...along with the stickers.

Park City Get Outta Town

2008-10-17T23:57:00.006-07:00

Thanks KB Toys ala Park City Outlets for bringing a little Dora into what we thought would be a Dora-free weekend. Tessa sure loves "Doda and Boots". This is the girl whose latest favorite thing to say is "too hot"--go ahead, offer her a piece of celery right from the fridge next time you see her, I'll betcha a buck she says "too hot". Funny, funny Tessa.

Who needs anything else when there's a pool??? Malia feels pretty confident after her recent graduation from swim lessons in August.

May their self esteem never be less than at this moment in time.

In summary, Park City made this little family very happy last weekend. The end.

Tessa's happy place as well...

2008-10-08T13:22:00.003-07:00

Guess who dropped her kids off at the porcelain pool? Tessa has been envying Malia's toileting abilities for quite some time now.

She has told me after the fact before, but this time she told me "poop" and I took her diaper off and there was nothing there yet! I knew we were on to something good and I was right! Sing with me now...Yay Tessa she's our girl she's the best pooper in the whole wide world!

I promise not to show this blog post to any future boyfriends, Tessa, if you'll promise to keep making potty training so easy for your mama-- deal?

My new happy place

2008-10-07T12:09:00.003-07:00

--BEFORE--
TA-DA

I can't believe what a little color on the wall can do for a bathroom. The pictures on the wall were supposed to be bubbles, but turned out looking more like rocks. We call them our rock bubbles and it works. It just needs a few nick nacks and I think I'll be able to say yeah, it's done. Now, my family room downstairs...Christy...help! First off, Darrin's drums take up 84% of the room (approximately) and then we've got the toys, too too many toys, and the futon, and the craft table, and the computer desk, and the filing cabinet, and the bookcases, I could go on, and I could post a picture, but let's face it, it's not my happy place right now, we'll stick to happy places, yes. happy.

The Great Salt Lake!!

2008-09-28T18:38:00.007-07:00

Saturday was announced as being a free day at all State Parks. It was a perfect day out at the Great Salt Lake. Once you get used to the initial sulfur smell and walk the good mile from the picnic/parking area to the shore (due to the water being so low) it was practically a day in California. Malia was proud of the 'T 'she wrote in the sand and Tessa was loving throwing rocks and sand just like her big sis. It was so quiet out there and nice to get away from the city a little bit.

That night I got to go to the Dinner/Relief Society Broadcast with my mom. It was so nice to just be with her. I love that she loves my kids and all, but sometimes I just need to be able lay my head on my mom's shoulder myself and be her little girl again. President Uchtdorf's talk was so so so what I needed. It fed my spirit and I came away remembering that I really was created from a Creator and that, as His child, I have inherited creative capacities. He defined creation as "bringing into existence something that did not exist before: colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter." I love that. I have always been so self conscious that I wasn't as creative as I would like to be. But, what I heard and felt the Lord was telling me was that anything I can do, however insignificant it may seem to myself, if it is bringing into existence something that did not exist before, then I am fulfilling the purpose of my existence. I could go on and on. I just felt so filled.

Today was our ward's primary program. Malia did so great. She was so excited for this day. I just love when the Primary does their program every year, I've always gained so much listening to these little spirits share their testimonies through song and their sweet little-voiced words. This year being up there trying to keep it flowing was a little more stressful. I didn't get to sit and ponder how I can become more like those little children, but I hope those sitting in the audience experienced that...then all the weeks of work will have been worth it.

So, yeah here's to another week. Let's hope it rocks!

A story about gum...

2008-09-20T13:32:00.011-07:00

“I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty
good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.” -Mitch Hedberg
Most things in this world relating to bubble gum are kind of thought of as frivolous or juvenile, such as "bubble gum" pop music or bubble gum flavored ice cream (who invented this??? GROSS!!). This week, however, my kids taught me a profound lesson, which happened to involve a half a stick of Care Free.
I was traversing through a store that I would rather not be traversing through :coughwalmartcough: and I was trying my best to get out of there. I kept remembering things I forgot at various places in the store. Tessa noticed grapes and bananas in her line of vision (favorite fruits ever) and she wanted them in her mouth right THEN "nana, gape, nana, gape!!!!" I was desperate to give her something to get us through the few items I had left to find, something that would get her mind off said nanas and gapes, I looked in my purse---GUM! Yeah! Lifesaver! (DISCLAIMER: my 20-month old chews gum. It all started when she saw Darrin chewing some and he gave her a piece and there was no turning back, she was hooked. She somehow understands that you don't swallow it and never has. If she ever did I would stop giving it to her because I once read an article that this could happen with the swallowing of bubblegum).
Anyways, so I gave them each half a piece (because too much aspartame is the devil)...but as I'm searching high and low for the darn foam hand sanitizer I had a coupon for, Malia sneaks another piece of gum. "Did you take another piece of gum?" I ask. She, with a guilty expression, nods her head no as I see gum and spit frothing out of her mouth. "Sorry, Malia, give me the gum, you decided to not tell the truth so now you don't get any." (I know, I'm so mean!!).
So, now instead of Tessa's original "gape, nana, gape, nana!" I get to listen to Malia cry for GUM. SO FUN!! Well, I was back in the produce section because the price of the apples had caught my attention and I purposely (kind of) left Malia and Tessa far enough that I could get a break from listening to Malia cry about the gum and I could regain my composure before I came back to pushing them. What took my breath away was when I looked up from getting those apples to see Tessa responding to her sister's sadness. She had taken her gum out of her mouth and was giving it to Malia. And then, instead of just stuffing it into her own mouth, Malia broke that gum in half and gave half of it back to her sister. It was a beautiful sweet moment in a place I don't usually experience beautiful sweet moments. Thank you my girls for giving me that little lesson on selflessness and empathy.
**I should add, so you don't think my girls are perfect and that I live in a state of gum-sharing bliss, that these same girls are behind me right now pulling at both ends of a poor stuffed cat crying "mine, mine, mine" Oh well, it ebbs and flows. Gotta enjoy the beautiful and sweet while it's there.

Four years ago today...I met my first born child.

2008-09-15T20:15:00.010-07:00

My sweet Malia,

I'll never ever forget the day they laid you on my tummy. I felt your very presence was permeated with heaven's markings. You have taught me oh so much about love, about patience, about myself, about your dad, about the importance of staying teachable, about the fact that indeed there is a God. You have such a strong spirit, sometimes it gets us in trouble because mommy forgets and goes against the grain. I'm pretty sure you've figured it out... your mom's far from perfect. But, I love the times you let us start over; once again teaching me about forgiveness and how to pick up the pieces and try harder the next day. I thank Heavenly Father everyday for giving your father and I the chance to raise you.

Last night you got very nostalgic on me (which is strange because for weeks now you've been lamenting that you were the last of your friends to turn 4). But you, with big alligator tears in your eyes, cried that you were scared of turning 4, scared that 4 is closer to being a mommy yourself, meaning you wouldn't live with us anymore and that was scarry for your little heart. I just want you to know that anytime you feel that way (and trust me, when you get mommy's age birthdays only get more and more hard) you can know that families are forever and if we stay close to the Lord we don't have to live in fear. You are such a bright light in this world, Malia. May you always know how much you are loved. Happy Birthday!!

Love,

Mommy 6 months old
1 year old
Today, 4 years old.

She invited two of her best little girlfriends, Emma and Saige, to go swimming at my cousin Jen's house in Farmington. We soaked up some of the year's last rays and the girls had fun. We finished it off with some slushies from Sonic during happy hour--yeah for half off!

Meet "Beff"

2008-09-07T20:54:00.009-07:00

Pronounced by people who can speak correctly, Jeff. Do you think it's just puppy love or should I be worried? I got to watch this little guy along with his brother and sister this week. Thanks Laura and Brian for letting me experience some boyness. I've never had a tuna can actually thrown across my living room. :) Don't worry, Laura, nothing and no one was injured, but I was like, did he just THROW a tuna can? The boys got some good sporting potential I do believe.

Oh, and on a side note, I get to go celebrate the birthday of the first of my high school friends to turn 30 this week. Happy birthday Jill! We'll all be joining you soon. It's crazy how in high school we were all so jealous that she got her license first. I'll let her go first this year, yikes!

The first day of preschool pose!!

2008-09-03T19:11:00.002-07:00

Malia was calling me to get out to the car...when does THAT happen? Needless to say, the girl was excited!
I know it's not kindergarten, but I got a little misty eyed. Where does the time go? My little girl is turning 4 in a few weeks!!

When I asked her what they learned today she said "we learned how to be quiet". Hmmm, well, maybe in the next class they'll get to the real meat of the learning... I hope. Tessa missed Malia, she kept saying "ee-a go? ee-a go?"

And I, well, I got some shopping done with only one child in tow and it was really kinda relaxing. :)

Saturday afternoon zen.

2008-08-25T21:07:00.006-07:00

My friend Lisa (who was visiting all the way from Boston) came up the Friday before last and made sushi with me...of course I couldn't find my camera to take pictures of our dually-made sushi, so the pics are of just mine I made the next day. (Lisa's were way prettier, so it's a shame you couldn't see hers).

But there's something about it. Malia was playing at a friend's house, Tessa was taking a nap. Darrin....well, he was probably taking a nap too. And it was...silent (weird around here). And I felt...content....and fulfilled and my mind was able to be still (also rare).....And then Malia came in and Tessa and Darrin woke up and I'm sure the t.v. came on and there was running around and laughing... and I was.... happy once again to have their noise surrounding me. I wouldn't always want it that quiet, but 30 minutes on a Saturday afternoon making sushi is just enough to get me through another week or two. Thank you Japan.

5 years!!

2008-08-20T16:56:00.003-07:00

Happy Anniversary to my man!! Part of me can't believe it's been 5 years, another part finds it hard to remember life without my Dar.

If you looked up the word 'patience' in the dictionary there would be a picture of the man to the left here. (Whereas if you looked up 'frazzled mess' you would see a picture of me)...so I guess we just complete each other.

But, I just wanted to take this chance to tellim I luvim.

Here's to like 400-infinity more anniversaries sweetie.

Tag #2--Tessa Lu.

2008-08-15T23:02:00.015-07:00

My friend and former companionara on my mission, Crystal, tagged Tessa forever ago. So, here are 10 things you may or not know about my Tessa:

1. She likes to point at my tomatoes and call them "apples". Kay, that sounded weird, my tomato plants.

2. She had RSV when she was 10 days old and we drove up to Wyoming to get out of the smog infested valley that was surrounding us. I sat in the bathroom all night at that motel trying to get her to wake up and eat. She could barely breathe. It was a scary time and is weird to think about now.

3. She has this funny way of playing with her sister where, if Malia has something she wants, she will go find something to trade for it. She's already learned the life lesson that nothing is free in this world.

4. She really likes cheese.

5. She loves to imitate her big sister. The other day at church Malia was walking down the hall feeling the bricks as she walked along, as soon as Tessa saw what Malia was doing she moved over to the wall and started doing the same thing. I wish I could bottle those moments up (or at least have a video camera going)-- they're so precious.

6. Kay, now I'm going to reveal what a great and watchful mom I am, but in the last few days I have found Tessa's face covered in soap, lipstick, and marker--twice. She's obsessed with slathering her face with various substances. The stuff really never ends up anywhere else (knock on wood) she just loves to be a little makeup artist I guess.

7. Tessa's newest cute thing she says is "bless you mommy" or "bless you daddy" when we sneeze.

8. She loves to pray. She's usually the first one to fold her arms at meals and mimics the last word in every sentence through the prayer.

9. She has loved nursery so far. Malia took a good year to really feel comfortable being left. Tessa had a little bit of a hard time the first few weeks, but loves it now. Her teachers say she gets into the singing and actions the most out of all the kids in the class.

10. Well, shoot, I was just getting on a roll, it's fun to talk about your kids. But I'll finish by saying that Tessa is oh so snugly. Sometimes she'll just go up to Darrin or I, lay down on our shoulders and just let us hold her.

We love you Tessie Wessie!!

So, Tessa tags Connor, Kennedy, and Jefferson if their mommies want. :)

Dog Lake with my hubby...

2008-08-07T14:28:00.003-07:00

Last Friday Darrin and I embarked on a much needed hike. The whole hike I was commenting on how much I missed this. Hello, we have free babysitters at the mouth of Big Cottonwood Canyon, why are we not out here like every second??? Oh yeah, schedules and all that. But we definitely are going to make more of an effort to get up there. There was a pretty rough part (for the lack of shape Darrin and I are in) towards the end of the hike. We took turns pushing each other up the hill. I know, pretty pathetic. But I was thinking how symbolic it was of marriage. I'll push you, you push me. Together we'll get there. Tired...yes, ornery....maybe, together...definitely. And let's try to enjoy the beauty along the way. OH THE BEAUTY!!! Along with looking into my children's eyes, nature leaves me asking the question how could one not believe in a Supreme Creator???

There was an article in the Mormon Times today that really put into words what I have been feeling lately. http://mormontimes.com/ME_blogs.php?id=1696 I was just put in as the 1st counselor in primary, as well as a more strenuous position of supervisor in my medical transcriptioning, and you know, being a mommy isn't exactly a lay down and rest position....so, needless to say I've been busy and seeming to get busier by the minute. But, through all this I have to say I feel more happy. Here's the ending of the article that pretty much sums up how I feel ...

Most people, Henri Nouwen wrote, are simply looking for ways to keep themselves entertained until they die. Entertainment, like so much else today, is just another form of stimulation. It will eventually leave you flat. Enlightened service, however, perks you up.You'll find that "peace like a river" the spirituals talk about -- a river that is flowing, powerful, dynamic, tranquil and deep. And when you find the latter, you wonder what you ever saw in the former.

Now, for reals, I know people that give a whole lot more service than me. Like the counselor I am serving with who's husband is the bishop and she has morning sickness while carrying her 5th child, or the woman I visit teach who is raising two disabled children as a single mother. My plate is nowhere near as full. But, I am thankful for all of the opportunities the Lord is giving me to "push a little harder" up my personal mountain. I truly do feel exhilerated.

Tag #1

2008-07-09T21:52:00.007-07:00

My friend Juli tagged me a while ago and I forgot until recently when Crystal tagged Tessa.

Here's how this "Tag" works. List 3 joys, 3 fears, 3 goals, 3 current obsessions/collections, 3 surprising facts about yourself. Then tag 5 people at the end of your post.

3 joys:

1. When my house is clean. (I try to be joyful in between those rare moments as well).

2. When our family is together doing something fun. The other day we were on this four-way see-saw at the park and I remember thinking at that moment that my joy was at its peak thus far in my life.

3. Feeling close to the Lord.

3 fears:

1. I'll just get this one out of the way, SPIDERS!!! I've been held hostage for quite a bit of time by quite a few in my life. If I see one and watch it go under something I have to find and kill it before I can even think of going on with my life. When I was little I had to shine a flashlight down under my blankets to check for spiders before I would get in bed. Now I'm so blessed to have Darrin around for the majority of the spider sightings.

2. Losing a child. I'm sorry to go from something so trivial to this. This really would be the hardest most unbelievably painful trial to go through in this life.

3. I really fear the thought of my parents getting old. Dementia is a frightening disease to me and one that I hope I never have to experience. But, the fear of #2 and #3 is so greatly aleviated by the knowledge of the resurrection. For that I am grateful.

3 goals:

1. Grow a tomato to its juciest, redest (is that a word?) state.

2. Go to Hawaii with Darrin someday...he really needs to experience this, and I need to experience it again, this time with a special boy to walk hand in hand down the beach. :)

3. To learn digital scrapbooking...anyone into this who wants to teach me??

3 current obsessions/collections:

1. The song Welcome Home by Radical Face.

2. I'm collecting lots of food and toothbrushes with the couponing I'm getting into. It's super fun.

3. I'm kind of obsessed with reading other people's blogs and admit to being a total blog slacker myself.

3 surprising facts about myself:

1. I lived in Russia once in 1998 and again in 1999 teaching English. I have some of the fondest memories of my life in those two semesters.

2. I like hospitals. I enjoy being a patient and would love to be a nurse someday...the human body amazes me to no end. You can find me many times not being able to sleep, watching Discovery Health. The human body is A-mazing.

3. I never went to the same Elementary for more than one year in a row. But, my mom promised I would go to the same junior high and high school and she kept her promise (although I still moved 3 times during that time---it was still within the boundaries). Thanks mom. :)

Kay, now I tag Crystal, Lisa, Christy, Laura, and Ashley if you guys want, I'd love to read em.

Mason Jennings' youngest fans...

2008-07-07T13:42:00.005-07:00

My girls belt it out to this song (Sacred Place) and Fighter Girl whenever we play them in the car. It makes me happy.

Aaahhh this is the life...

2008-07-02T21:19:00.004-07:00

Said Malia the other day while swinging on her grandparent's new patio swing. Where does she learn this stuff??? But, I'm now saying the same sentence as I sit here eating my seedless watermellon in my basement, cooling off after a late evening walk around the local high school track with the family. It was really fun. Malia and Tessa loved to "race us" (we started with a stroller, but they wanted in on this exercise business as well, and who am I to stop their ambition). I don't know why we hadn't walked at the track before. It's nice not to have to worry about the kids running into the street and other sources of stress, such as having strange people honking at you and the like. I think we'll do it again soon.

So, what really got me in the mood for documenting my life today was taking a close look at my tomato plants---I have a row of 9 of them. I would surely upload a picture if I could find my camera cord, which, well, don't get me started on the lack of organization currently taking hold on my sanity. But, imagine in your mind me stooping down looking closely at the yellow petals, one by one, assessing every square inch of them...when "aaaahhhh Malia!! come here!!!! There's little green round things growing on them!!" She ran over, we hugged, we literally jumped up and down holding onto each other. I really hope no one was watching, as there are quite a few windows that can see into my yard. If they were I hope they got the laugh they needed for the day and that they've moved on. The girls have been helping me water them and shovel a scoop of manure on them now and again. This is our first garden and we only have tomatoes this year. But I can't wait to have a whole plot of salsa growing some day with some pumpkin, zucchini, etc. thrown in as well. Aaaaahhhh life is good.

Pictures to come. Also, please pray that I didn't just jinx my poor little plants.

Why I love my job

2008-06-10T10:26:00.004-07:00

Hi, my name is Alicen and I am a medical transcriptionist. So, daily I learn new words and I just had to share my newest discovered word--who knew 'crapulence' was a word?

What a fulfilling profession I have pursued. And in case you were wondering the definition for your curious little mind, it is not pertaining to what you think (though it could lead to what you think, I guess) here it is:

1. Sickness caused by excessive eating or drinking.
or
2. Excessive indulgence; intemperance.

I think I'm way too easily amused.

Kay, I'll get back to work. Darrin is going to read this and see that I was working really hard while he was at the park feeding the ducks with the girls. ::waves:: Hi honey, I'm getting back to work. :)

Please allow me to vent

2008-06-05T11:10:00.005-07:00

Just two. That's all, I promise.

Fellow movie patrons: Please don't take a child that looks to be about 3 to a PG-13 movie...especially one that is by nature very scary and intense. It is a proven fact that young children that age cannot differentiate between that which is fictional and reality. Darrin and I went and saw Iron Man yesterday and while I (surprisingly) enjoyed the movie itself, the experience was a bit uncomfortable due to my reaction to the 3-year-old-looking child sitting in the row in front of me. At various times I almost broke out in tears, trying to hold back the urge to reach over the seat and cover the little boy's eyes. Please don't put any other mothers through this torture. Please.
Dearest store checker at my neighborhood Maceys: When I bring my own bag to the grocery store to do my part in going green, please don't proceed to put the "cold" food in a plastic bag inside of that bag. It really is okay if the cold food touches the not-cold products. I am almost positive there will not be some kind of thermal catastrophe inside of my bag due to the different temperatured items making contact with each other. Please know, it took a lot of mental energy to remember said bag and the fact that you totally nulled and voided my efforts makes me feel that that very precious mental energy was a complete waste.

Thats all.

Bring on my childhood.

2008-05-23T15:21:00.010-07:00

Not only has Malia deemed most of our days "opposite days" recently, (telling her Grandpa to "drive dangerously" as he left our house the other day), but I just got in the mail a VHS of Neverending Story I ordered off of ebay. I couldn't be more excited to watch it. I had to do a couple test runs of some snippets on You Tube to see if it is as magical and mystical as I remember, and I was sufficiently mesmerized. I don't know what it is about this story--and I've heard the book is much better, I'll have to read it with Malia in a few years--but I just remember thinking how celestial the ivory tower was and the journey he was on, even at a young age, I remember paralleling it with this journey here on earth. It's so deep to my little heart.

Pass the popcorn please.

P.S. Did you know it was a guy singing the opening song? I wish it would let me embed that music video. He had an impecible mullet.

The Misadventures of Flapjack

2008-05-18T08:31:00.013-07:00

I am so excited for my friend Lisa's brother Thurop...his show is airing on the Cartoon Network beginning June 5. His voice is Flapjack (the little boy adventurer).

Here's an interview with the creator himself, which he states is "the most embarrassing and uncomfortable interview you will ever see in your life", but, WHATEVER!! I think he did awesome and it makes me all the more excited for the show!!!!!

And here's a sneak peak episode.

I couldn't be more happy for him. This is seriously a case of someone having a dream and working hard and never giving up. Lisa's other brother, Jonny is also working on it with him. This family is sick with talent.

Go THUROP!!!!

p.s. I really have issues with embedding addresses. Sorry bout that.

80 degree day + Darrin's plethora of accumulated days off = ZOO!!!!

2008-05-16T21:07:00.005-07:00

My new exercise machine

2008-05-14T14:21:00.002-07:00

My arms are seriously sore from grinding wheat this week. I've decided I'm going to start making my own bread. I also made some scrumptious whole wheat peach muffins replacing half the fat with white beans mashed up. They are surprisingly good. I can definitely tell a difference with my blood sugar not crashing so fast after I eat them compared to those with white flour. Small steps. I'm not there, or even close to there yet, but small changes.

Mommy Tag

2008-05-09T08:05:00.004-07:00

Okay, my friend and former companion on the mish, Crystal, tagged me for this forever ago.

1. Typically, what time do you wake up?
Darrin kisses me awake as he leaves at 7:30. If Malia wakes up before that he turns on a show for her. What a sweetie. I do need my sleep.

2. On a good night, what time are your kids in bed?
7:00. It's happened two nights in a row now, we may be on to something!

3. How long have you been a mommy? 3 years and 8 months.

4. How old were you when you became a mom? 25.

5. What is your favorite kids T.V show?
Blue's Clues. I love when the kids are all..."a clue!! a clue!!" and Joe's all "what? you see a shoe?"

6. What is your least favorite kids T.V. show?
Caillou....I want to take a fork and slowly twist it into my eyeballs. Why would you start a kids show that is primarily composed of whining? And Wonderpets makes me feel nauseous because it's what Malia was obsessed with when I was pregnant with Tessa. "The phone, the phone is ringing, there's an animal in trouble...there's an animal in trouble...there's an animal in trouble some where." Seriously. Now watch me run to the bathroom.

7. What is your favorite chore?
Dishes. It is relaxing to me. And I read somewhere that washing dishes by hands has a therapeutic quality to it. Almost as good as a bubble bath...almost.

8. What is your favorite meal to cook?
Crock pot anything. It's so amazingly easy.

9. What meal do you cook most often?
Probably grilled cheese and tomato soup. The trick is you put frozen peas in there to cool off the soup and it sneaks some veggies in.

10. What is your kids favorite meal?
Spaghetti. I buy the Barilla plus kind--it's packed with protein and flax seed so it has Omega 3. Makes me feel a tiny bit heroic in my quest to feed them healthy.

11. What is your favorite thing your husband does with your kids?
Reads them story after story and lays there and lets them crawl all over him. He's the greatest piece of playground equipment we own!

12. What are 5 things that make you smile when you’re being a mom?

I. Kisses.

II. When Malia asks me great questions...yes I've already mentioned them, but I'll throw one in from this morning--(and it sounds like all she talks about is religion, but, well, it's kind of her obsession right now, and hopefully it will carry on to her teenage years huh??) Malia: "Mom, who gave us the scriptures?" Me: "Heavenly Father." Malia: "Why did He give them to us?" Me: "So we could know how to get back to Him." Malia: "He probably could have just made us a map to His real house." (She's figured out the church is not His real house). Hmmm. That would be easier I guess.

III. I have to say sometimes when my kids are eating something healthy I feel like the mom in Christmas Story who's all..."that's mommy's little piggy" or something like that when he he's digging into his mashed potatoes face first.

IV. When I find myself saying something like the potty is so hungry and thirsty--you better go feed it.

V. I love when Darrin gets home and the Tessa shouts out "dada!!!!" and Malia's exclaims "DADDY!!" It seriously melts my heart. Also, I feel excited to have another adult to converse with, I'll be honest.

13. If you could take your kids anywhere, where would it be?
Probably to Russia. One of my best friends lives there and I would love to let my kids play with hers in their little house they just built out in the country. My heart flutters a little bit when I think of it. Darn money.

14. When was the last time you went out without your kids?
On Saturday. Darrin and I dropped the kids off at my mommys and went to the Belgian Waffle. I was jonesing for a waffle with ice cream on it. Can't eat that when the kids are with you! :)

15. What is your favorite pastime/activity to do with your kids?
Snuggling them, reading, playing in the backyard, making up games that involve toys being put away and bodily waste getting put in the potty. (sorry, gross I know).

16. Name one thing you said you would never say as a mother?
Let's get this stuff put away (motioning with hands as if you're flipping something away from you so as to really drive the point home.) Mom, you know what I'm talking about--I swear you used to say that just to drive me insane. :)

17. Name something you do, that your own mom did?
Rocking my kids to sleep and lots of songs--that I still remember from my when my mom sang them with me.

18. What is your favorite quality your mom has?
She has an amazing ability to understand children and to get on their level when she's talking to them. She has an amazing love for animals and children. I love that about her.

19. What is your favorite kids book?
"Hush Little Baby" but not the materialistic version, the one that goes "mommy's going to read you a storybook, show you a fire fly, show you a shooting star," etc.

20. What is your favorite advice for new moms?
Trust your instincts.

21. What is your most heartbreaking moment as a mom?
When Malia had asthma (reactive airway disease) when she was younger--I would have given anything to just get air into her little lungs. That was rough.

22. What is your most joyful moment being a mom?
Oh, there's too many. Probably when they make good choices...and let's face it, they're adorable when they're asleep. :)

23. When was the last time you told one of your kids, “I Love You”?
Around 7:30 this morning.

24. When was the last time you were told, “I love you” by one of your kids?
Around 7:30 this morning.

Alright... Christy, Ashley, Kristen, and Juli, I tag you guys. Only if you want. :)

CANDID:

2008-04-23T21:02:00.007-07:00

ETYMOLOGY: Latin candidus, glowing, white, pure, guileless.

Yes, there was some T.V. watching going on. So sue me. (Thanks Lisa, that is a great line--I'll have to remember to use it more myself).

And the Lucifer conversations go on. Malia informed me today that she thinks Dallin, our neighbor boy, follows Lucifer. I tried to teach her that boys are just like that (as far as playing with swords and guns and stuff) and that I'm sure he's trying really hard to not follow that mean old Lu, even though he's constantly coming at her with his "boy toys."

She also asked me today, "If the church is Heavenly Father's house, then why isn't he ever there?" Oh boy. If I could record all the questions I get bombarded with everyday...just today that I can think of..."Mom, what's inside of us?" "Mom, when I get big and get to be a mommy can I carry Tessa around?" "Mom, what does Daddy do with his students all day?" "Mom, what does this word spell?"--pointing to about 15 letters on the fridge she had put together-- oh, and another very thoughtful one--"Mom, what does heaven look like?" I'll be honest and say I'm really feeling under qualified for this position. I can only imagine when she starts bringing home calculus. OH BOY.

My little nerd---er, I mean intellectual

2008-04-01T20:25:00.007-07:00

Tessa's giving me the stink eye, but here's Malia in her new glasses. :)

It was inevitable. Darrin and I both wear corrective lenses. Malia has been constantly shutting one eye and saying that there's "fog" in her left eye. It freaked Darrin and I out when, on Sunday, we did the "how many fingers am I holding up" test with her...fine on the right, but with the left eye she kept trying to move our hand to see. I think I'm still kind of in shock at how bad her eye is. I took her to the eye doctor today and she could not see the very biggest letter on the chart with her left eye. I can't remember the first word, but it's a type of amblyopia. Not the lazy eye kind, but where the brain starts just using the the eye with better vision and the bad eye gets worse and worse. (yes I'm a medical transcriptionist, but I can't for the life of me remember most of what the doctor said because I was kind of a state of "you really can't see that big FAT letter on the board, Malia???").

It requires wearing glasses and she will need to start patching her stronger eye in about a month after she gets used to wearing the glasses first. We have to retrain her brain to use her left eye before it gives up on it completely. The doctor put me at ease saying it is so good that we caught it now when she is still young-- I guess up until children are about 6 it is highly treatable, after that blindness is quite possible. Scarry stuff. I'm glad we caught it early. She was such a big girl. She *hates* getting water in her eyes when I wash her hair, but let the nurse put the dilating drops in without any protest. I'm so proud of her. We went to Shopko and picked out some cute glasses for her tonight 20% off--thanks Select Health!! It's really hard to know where her vision will go from here, but I feel good that we're doing all we can. It just really dawned on me today how easy it is to take for granted things like our sight.

And to end for the night I'll add the conversation Malia and Daddy has as he read her her goodnight stories:

Malia (out of the blue): If Mommy and Tessa die we can go live with somebody else probly.
Darrin: Like who?
Malia: Well, Grandma Toni lives alone and doesn't have any kids, and her husband died so you could be her husband.
**I'm glad she's thought this through so well. Sounds like Darrin and Malia will be well taken care of should I (and Tessa I guess) pass on.

She also explained to Darrin who Lucifer was and that he gets people to kill moms and children. What in the world? I'm sure her primary teacher is great and all, but what the heck is she telling my kid? I'm joking. Kids' developing minds are so interesting to me. She is so much a sponge and I love every single day of hearing what she's going to come up with next.

And just so I don't leave Tessa out...her latest thing is to get up on the coffee table and yell "tada!!!" with both arms out...she learned it from Malia's dance class. So cute.

Easter Dresses, jelly beans, and eggs, oh my...

2008-03-24T23:37:00.002-07:00

Malia gave her first talk in primary in this very dress...and what a fine job she did. The microphone didn't work, so I asked her to speak loudly. She bordered on shouting the entire talk. Such conviction from a 3-year-old on the topic of us all being children of God I had never heard.

Tessa and her cousin Gus (behind her) were said to have playfully discussed the whole ordeal while scouting around for easter eggs together. Such fun.

Viva Las Vegas!

2008-03-24T22:38:00.004-07:00

I always wanted a sister I could share clothes with. This weekend as we were fixing ourselves up in the mirror I took a double take when I looked down and saw Whitney had no shoes on and was taller than me...how did that happen in like a week since we had measured last?

N-E-WAYS... Dar, Whit, Tess, and I took a much needed little vacay down to Vegas this past week.

Yes, that's my hairy beary of a husband...I love every inch of his hairiness, just know that.

I thought that was the neatest little angle of a picture. It's weird to imagine Darrin being a dad to boys... (Although he loves playing with his nephews). Those girls have got his number and all you have to do is look into his eyes when they're around to catch a glimpse of his love for them. Nothing sweeter.

Tessa got to play with my Aunt Aimee's daughter, Kendelle (born only a week apart) and they had some fun times together eating cheerios and talking in their "da-da-da-da-da-da-" talk.

Oh, and to make the trip even greater my Aunt and Uncle own two Great Harvests there in Henderson, so every morning's breakfast was the tantalizing tastes of pumpkin bread of chocolate cherry bread. YUM.

Thanks to the Grandmas for watching Malia. We knew she was having fun and didn't worry about her the whole time, although a few times we commented on how much Malia would have loved this or that. But, have to say when we heard a 3-year-old tantruming at the table over from us at the buffet we giggled to ourselves and continued to pork out in peace. Love you Malia, sweetie! :)

The games I play

2008-03-15T13:21:00.005-07:00

I have decided that I am slightly neurotic. Today when I was running on the treadmill at the gym, which I haven't done for years mind you, I remembered that I like to play a little game when I run. I breathe in for two arm swings and then breathe out for three--making sure that the breathing out is done precisely when my hand is in front of my mouth so as to feel the air being exhaled. It makes the time go faster and takes my mind off the pain, along with forcing me to remember to breathe so I don't pass out.

Oh, and floss...I really dislike flossing at night when I brush my teeth. I am just so tired at that point that I have a hard time making it a part of my night-time routine. But, lucky for my gums, my weird self has made up a game for it during the day. (I read somewhere once that it really doesn't matter at what point in your day you floss, just so you do it in any 24 hour period). Darrin has floss in most locations of the house (he's a flossing machine) so anytime I see a container of floss and I haven't flossed yet that day, I have to stop what I was doing and floss right then.

I also never go upstairs or downstairs without taking something with me to put away. With two kids, there is rarely a time when I can't find something to take, but it's become a strange little mind game. I get nervous when I can't see anything immediately and start looking under the sofa. Like not stepping on the cracks on the sidewalk, I can't go up with my hands empty. Oh well, whatever keeps me sane in this little stay-at-home-mom world I live in. Or is it a sign of insanity? I really don't know.

Anyone else have any weird habits/games they play?

Chester

2008-03-07T00:19:00.004-07:00

Meet Chester. The mouse. Malia informed me that there was a mouse named Chester in our window well. I couldn't have been more freaked out at first. But then then little guy started to grow on me. He was a chubby little thing, scurrying around, and as you can see in the bottom picture, trying to jump out "to get back to his family." This kept the girls occupied for what seemed like an eternity. That night Darrin put a ladder down into the window well to let it climb out. Malia was very sad. I asked why? because she had said she wanted him to be able to get back to his family....and she replied that Chester was supposed to be a part of our family now...hmph, head down, sad face...wa wa wa. And off to the keyboard she went to make up a sad song about the loss of her Chester.

Paying it forward...

2008-02-29T11:23:00.003-07:00

My friend Lisa showed a little love on her blog and I am passing it on. The first three people to comment on this post will win a little surprise in their mailbox.

Ready...set...comment.

Oh, and p.s.... the rules of the game are that you pass it on if you play. :)

Very bad lighting of a very big girl (and her sister)...

2008-02-19T09:31:00.006-07:00

Tessa has finally taken off and is a walking girl! Also, I cut bangs on her this morning. These two factors make her seem so much older to me. My baby is getting so big!

Also, you can have a gander at Malia's hair that got a little adjusting done to her design and is now mulletless. It's cute, but I can't wait to be able to put it in ponytails again!

1-800-DIAPERS

2008-02-16T11:12:00.011-07:00

Let me start off by just saying that I really wish I had the inner strength to cloth diaper my children, but it's just not something I'm emotionally able to take on right now.

Kay, now that I have that little disclaimer out of the way, I will share this awesome deal I just got on diapers at www.diapers.com -- 150Luvs (Kay, I don't love Luvs, I actually like White Cloud better, but couldn't pass up this price) and 2 packages of Huggies Little Swimmers (I think there's 11 or 12 in them), all for just $44.00.

Maybe you've already seen the ad in Parents Magazine--you use the code PARENTS5 when you check out.---The code is good for $10 off an order of $50. So, my total came to $54.00 but only cost $44.00. They also have multiple other baby and maternity items--so any way you can get up to $50 you're good for the $10 off. Also, shipping is free on orders of $50 or more, so another sweet perk.

Just sharing the love, brothers and sisters, just sharing the love.

What happens when...

2008-02-14T11:40:00.007-07:00

You leave a 3-year-old to work on a Valentine project, which includes cutting out hearts, to go get her baby sister to sleep?

At first I thought it was just a little snip as the little snip on the chair in the first picture was all I saw. I soon saw in the garbage that she had been ever so responsible at throwing away the rest. I am secretly stoked because 1. I get to have a mullet child for a short time until I can get to the hairdresser (I'm not touching this one) and 2. It wasn't the usual bangs 0.5 cm long that most kids do and is pretty fixable I think.

Well, at least I have my new Jack CD to calm my frayed nerves. (Thanks Sweetie).

Her Grandma Anya and Grandma Toni are coming up and she's quite excited to show them how "funny" she looks (her words). Yes, Malia, you are our Funny Valentine.

Wishing everyone a Happy Valentines Day filled with sugar cookies, stickers, conversation hearts, and lots and lots of kisses.

P.S. I just laughed when I realized I typed half a centimeter out 0.5 cm--all measurements in medical transcriptioning are typed using numbers and anything with a . in front of it needs a 0 first. Just in case you were wondering.

Debbie Downer

2008-02-06T23:02:00.000-07:00

So, recently Malia has started doing little "Debbie Downer" statements that really make me laugh. Like, for instance I will say, "we're not going to play with your friends right now, they're still eating breakfast/taking a nap/at preschool/taking a bath"---really whatever excuse I can come up with not to require me to make a playdate at that moment, and Malia will say..."I guess I won't play with my friends..." with a very wa-wa-wa (going down in key) sound to it.

So, the other morning she was sitting down to eat her aforementioned pancake breakfast and she goes "I guess I won't eat my pancakes..." (think wa wa wa) I said, "why honey?" and lil' Debbie came back with "because there's a hair on it." The girl cracks me up. I have got to do better at writing these things down.

The passing of a prophet.

2008-01-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how differently news travels now days. My little sister, Whitney was at my house tonight. At around 8:00 she got a text from her friend telling her that President Hinckley had passed away. We had a hard time believing it because it wasn't yet on the news or anywhere on the internet. But, apparently her friends dad is in a stake presidency and all stake presidents were notified shortly after he passed. About 30 minutes later we started seeing Breaking News reports.

I can't believe it had been almost 13 years that he led us as our prophet. For my little sister Whitney, he was the only prophet she had ever known. Even though he was 97, it seemed like he would be there forever humoring us, strengthening us, and most importantly leading us.

I have so many warm memories of this man. One that I will never forget and that confirmed my testimony that he was in fact a prophet of God, happened on my mission. He had come to Snowflake (Arizona) to decide on the spot for the temple that he announced would be built there. He was taken around town by the locals to several different locations. Towards the end of the tour they were standing on the golf course surveying the view from where they stood. It is said that he walked away from the group, looked off to the site of a distant hill and said, in affect (pointing with his famous cane), "that is where the temple should be built." They never questioned his decision nor tried to show him any other places. They knew he was a prophet, and the construction started shortly thereafter. Fast-forward a year or so (I don't know the exact timeline) when I was serving in Snowflake... the temple was almost complete and they were getting ready for the open house. A geologist was doing some testing on the earth in the area. He tested the ground in all the surrounding areas of Snowflake and towns nearby. He later told the leaders of the church there that their temple was being built on the only spot of land in the entire area made of pure rock. Everything else in that area was primarily very sandy soil. That was powerful and so beautifully scriptural as well...sing with me, "the wise man built his house upon a rock...the wise man built his house upon a rock." Okay, you can tell I have a 3-year-old, but you get my point.

President Hinckley, we will miss you. Thank you for all the good you have done. My hand simply can't type all that I feel. May you have a happy and sweet reunion with your dear Marjorie. God be with you til we meet again.

Happy Birthday Lisa!

2008-01-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

So I was looking through some old journals this past week and my BFF Lisa has contributed to so much fun, happiness, laughter, depth, adventure, and so much more in my life. I found a poem she wrote and gave to me the day I was leaving to live in Russia for the first time. I seriously think there are tear stains on this from reading it on the plane. I was so scared and this made me feel so much peace...

The Traveler

Small billows of dust

Make clouds around her ankles

As she moves silently along the dirt road.

She neither thinks of where she is going

Or where she has been.

There will be time for that

At the end of the trail.

She travels simply-

A small satchel carries provisions

And the other necessities of her journey

Yet she is content.

Her experiences become her greatest treasures-

Too vast to be contained in a bag

And too precious to leave behind

She keeps them carefully preserved

Beyond the locked shadows

Of her eyes.

Like others before,

She walks this path.

Yet each step becomes

A fresh dab of paint

On a canvas

That is uniquely her own.

That's just a glimpse of how thoughtful and creative Lisa is.

We have worked at 4 of the same places over the years--and thus we have numerous inside jokes that can send us into a fit of side splitting laughter if we even say a word. "Ethiopia" Lisa, go ahead...laugh, you know it's funny. (This one involved Auntie, the owner of L&L drive-in, where we worked in Hawaii. Let's just say she was *trying* very hard to learn english. We came into work one day and she was struggling painfully with this one word--"Ethiopia". We tried to tell her the chances of her using that word in her day to day life as the owner of a fast food restaurant in Laie, Hawaii was pretty small, but she was determined to be able to say this word). But, ANYWAYS, my point here is that Lisa and I kind of get each other's humor and we find humor in most of the same things along this road of life.

I can't wait til she lives in Utah again. She is now in Boston doing yet more schooling with her hubby.

So Happy Birthday Lisa and thanks to Bob and Ellen for bringing you into the world! Luv ya!!

She's a dancin' machine!

2008-01-14T19:41:00.000-07:00

So, Malia's dance class started again this month. She would LOVE if this were a daily class, everyday she asks if it's Monday yet. I had to put these on here because my friend took them with her *nice* camera and I thought they were cute....
Especially this one...

Pancake Addiction

2008-01-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. I wake up every morning and talk my daughter into having oatmeal pancakes with me. The poor girl just wants oatmeal, but I talk her into having pancakes every. single. day. Today I got her to cooperate by letting her cut it into a fun gingerbread man shape and put blueberries and bananas on to decorate it. I HAVE to have her eat them too so I don't sit in shame at making pancakes just for my little old self. I could get up before my dear husband goes to work and make them for him too. But um, no, if the kids aren't up I'm not moving my head from the pillow, for I know it will be a long time before my head hits that pillow again, unless I'm possibly screaming into that pillow so the neighbors won't hear me, but I digress. Back to pancakes. I make a batch of the mix about once a week and separate them into ziplock bags and store them in the fridge. I wish I could say I got sick of them. I never have. They seriously make me look forward to getting out of bed in the morning. I feel bad that I have not shared with Malia the joys of syrup on the pancakes. I make her eat hers with unsweetened applesauce or yogurt--plain. Aren't I horrible? Not only do I not tell her about syrup, I actually hide my plate while I put my butter and syrup on. What is wrong with me? It's like I don't want her to get into the "hard" pancake life I have created for myself. I give myself some solace by knowing that it's made with whole wheat flour and oatmeal (okay and a little bit of white thrown in for taste). But truthfully, my secret butter/syrup distribution pretty much cancels out any health benefits I'm sure. Anyways, I needed to admit my problem to someone. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far. Here's the recipe, don't say I didn't warn you.

Cinnamon-Oatmeal Pancake Mix (make mix ahead)

Ingredients:

4 cups quick cooking oats

2 cups all-purpose flour

2 cups whole wheat flour

1 cup non-fat dry milk

2 Tb cinnamon

1 1/2 Tb salt

3 Tb baking powder

1/2 tsp cream of tartar

Directions:

Combine all ingredients and stir to mix well. Store in refrigerator. Makes about 8 cups.

Mixing Directions: In a medium mixing bowl, beat 2 eggs.

Beat in 1/3 cup of vegetable oil gradually.

Alternately beat in 2 cups pancake mix and 1 cup of water or milk. Pour in large spoonfuls into a lightly greased skillet over medium-high heat.

Cook until the tops show broken bubbles (2-3 minutes).

Turn and cok about 2 to 3 minutes more, until golden brown.

Makes 12 5-inch pancakes.

Oh, and p.s. I make half of the recipe (only 1 cup of mix, 1/2 cup water/milk, 1 egg, half of 1/3) when it's just me and Malia. And they're great frozen too--just warm em up in the micro.

It's been a year?!!

2008-01-05T23:14:00.000-07:00

This time last year I was enjoying my babymoon with my little Tess.

She's gotten deeper into my heart each and every day. Here's the top 5 reasons I love my Tessa:

5. She LOVES to be kissed...she'll just lay there and let you kiss her like a million times...smiling the whole time.

4. She was born without making a peep--calm as can be, just looking around, and that's pretty much been her temperment ever since. Especially if she's being held, she's happy as a clam (what a strange saying...I mean how happy are clams really?)

3. She loves to rearrange my toilet paper--I mean why on earth do they pack them on the roll so tight? She makes sure to loosen it daily by unrolling it and occasionally rolling it back up for me, so helpful!

2. If she's tired she'll just lay her head down on my shoulder, or Darrin's, or Grandma's and go to sleep.

1. And the #1 reason is deffinitely because she is such a great sister to Malia. She loves to crawl over and wake Malia up in the morning (they sleep on two twin mattresses pushed together). Her face just lights up when she sees her big sis. It brings me to tears to think (and hope) what good friends they will be throughout their life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TESSA!!

My little makeup girls.

2008-01-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

Here's my Malia and Tessa expirementing with mommy's makeup. I wish you could see Tessa's nose better, that's the whole reason I wanted to record it. She had put some eyeshadow on her nose. Maybe she'll start a new trend in her preschool in a few years...nose shadow. It could happen.

To name a blog...

2007-12-30T20:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I've done it, and two days earlier than I had set my goal for, which was Jan 1, 2008. Part of me feels like I have gone out and bought my first pair of Girbaud jeans to wear to junior high on Monday. I realize that "everyone is doing" the blog thing and just like I finally conceded to wearing my backpack on both shoulders by about 9th grade (my friend Jill was doing it way earlier), I am finally opening up my thoughts to the world wide web.

My blog shall bear the name of "Tender Mercies." A few years back in the October 2005 General Conference of my church, one of the newly ordained apostles, David A. Bednar, gave a talked entitled "The Tender Mercies of the Lord." It really spoke to my soul and I have, since then, tried to be more diligent about noticing and being grateful for the tender mercies the Lord sends my way. Here's a link to the talk if you're interested: http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-520-33,00.html

I hope through having this blog I might with more clarity recognize those tender mercies and write about them so as not to forget them. I don't believe anything in this life happens coincidentally and I am so grateful for all the experiences and even the trials I have experienced to make me the person I am today. Okay, I'll stop being mushy now and publish my very first post...wish me luck!