Dear Malia,
I can't stop thinking about your birthday coming up. I got you your own set of scriptures for your half birthday. You shed tears one Sunday recently when you forgot said scriptures at home. We make attempts constantly to read them together, but with a 2-year-old brother that likes to act out characteristics of a crazy monkey any time we attempt to read, it makes it hard.
I keep thinking, have I given you enough? (That mom guilt is pretty grueling).
Malia, I am fa-a-a-a-a-r from perfect. (Could go on with those a's for a long time!) This gospel and the enabling power it gives is so incredibly necessary for me. I have so much to learn. So much humility to gain. So far to go. Please know that I'm on this journey with you. I think sometimes that I see you running leaps and bounds ahead of me and I wonder how I was entrusted with this precious task to "train up a child unto the Lord..." (Proverbs 22:6).
And then there's this world. You see, it scares me sometimes. So much turmoil. So much I don't understand. (and I'm the trainer here, remember???) Here's what I do know, though. There have been times when I have literally been overcome with things... guilt, grief, fear (all the yucky words that are the opposite of what the Gospel encourages us to feel: hope, joy, peace). Malia, I have taken these yucky feelings and dropped them at the Savior's feet. I have literally found it hard to breathe through some prayers. And you know how we end our prayers...in the name of Jesus Christ? It's the moment that I utter those two words that I can breathe again. It is a very real thing. I know this. If there's anything I know, Malia, I know this. There are powers for good and there are powers for evil. This power for good is in your hands. You can take it to Heavenly Father. My biggest fear is ever sounding trite when I'm explaining this phenomenon.
And here's what I see in you, my sweet Malia: LOVE. My Dad, your Grandpa Ken, is currently unemployed. You worry for him. You told me recently that you mention him in your prayers every night. (That's the pure love of Christ, there's nothing in it for you. You just have a goodness in your soul that you want good for others). You worry for your friends that aren't coming to church. You worry when you see me taking a moment to have a cry. Just the other night you came up behind me on my bed and wrapped your little arms around me and just held me. You are so good, Malia.
I hope you'll read this someday and know how much I wanted happiness and goodness for you. Wanted you to take this year and let it be the groundwork for your life now and forever. Thank you for leading the way for your little brother and sister. They look up to you more than you could ever know. And remember the power you have, Malia, remember.
I love you,
Mom
